Shower Thoughts - Part 2

A while back I created a post in which I shared some "shower thoughts" from around the world (which can be found here). For those who haven't read it and have no idea what shower thoughts are, they are not deep philosophical thoughts about getting wet and washing yourself, but rather the random thoughts that you have while performing the act of cleaning yourself. I recently discovered some more, which I will share with you....

"Knowing you have the next day off is actually more relieving than having the next day off."

"If centaurs were real, the bottom half would start walking around immediately after birth while the top half would be all floppy for the first 2 years."

"Both concrete and glass are made of sand, which means skyscrapers are actually just really tall sandcastles."

"The spiders that live in Buckingham Palace now are probably descended from the spiders that lived there during Victorian times. It's like a whole parallel royal family, but with spiders."

"The internet almost killed off the postal service with email and then made it more needed than ever with online shopping."

"Pixar is the version of Disney that just wants to tell the story without someone bursting into spontaneous song every 10 minutes."

"Talent shows like Britain's Got Talent get much more disturbing when you realise that it consists of 4 rich people dangling money in front of poor people to get them to perform for their entertainment."

"Telling a dangerously overweight person not to lose weight because they're beautiful is like telling an alcoholic not to stop drinking because they are more fun when they are drunk."

"'So easy a caveman could do it' completely ignores the fact that cavemen were able to start fires without matches and could hunt and kill animals several times their size with nothing but rudimentary weaponry."

"The main child actors in the Harry Potter films were tutored on set, so theoretically they all went to school at Hogwarts."

"The Nordic people went from being the most feared and hardcore raiders in history to being the most polite and friendly people in Europe."

"Condoms are made by automated assembly lines, meaning robots are literally helping to prevent human reproduction."

"The sentence 'Don't objectify women' has 'women' as the object of the sentence."

"A college class is like an episode of Dora the Explorer. The professor asks a question, stares blankly at the class for a few seconds and then answers his own question."

"Having kids is like having broke little best friends who think you are rich."

"When you choke on water you have failed at both breathing and drinking, the two most important activities in your life."

"No-one has ever been inside an empty room."

"'Do not touch' must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille."

"The person who proofread Hitler's speeches was a grammar Nazi."

"When a pregnant woman swims, she is a human submarine."

"When you are criticized for being short, they are really just saying that the worst thing about you is that there isn't more of you."

Random Acts of Weirdness

So the other day I was reading an article about the weird things that people do but never really talk about. For example, have you ever wanted to go to the bathroom at a public function and someone you know sits down next to you and you keep sitting there internally drowning in your own urine just because you don't want to get up immediately and hurt their feelings? (I truly and sincerely hope I'm not the only one doing that!) But I decided to share a few examples of the strange things we all do, but will rarely admit to.

Passwords
Have you ever tried entering a password but the PC/site keeps telling you that it is incorrect? And when you decide to reset the password and it tells you that your new password can't be the same as your old one? And you set your PC on fire and move to a different country?

Word
Have you ever inserted an image in Microsoft Word, decided the spacing is not quite right so you move it 1mm to the left and it creates 4 new pages, all your text and images move all over the place, volcanoes erupt, aliens invade and a meteor obliterates some remote village in India?

Names
Have you ever asked someone what their name is and then not listened when they tell you or only heard it partially and then realise that you will never be able to mention them by name for the rest of time?

Time
Have you ever noticed how a minute speeds by when you are having fun but stretches out into 2 and a half years when you are exercising?

Medicine
Have you ever read the label on medicine and it says to not take it and operate heavy machinery and assumed they meant forklifts or bulldozers instead of cars?

Tardiness
Have you ever been late for an appointment because it was early and you spent the first 45 minutes after waking just sitting on the edge of your bed staring at the wall?

Alarm
Have you ever woken up and glanced at your phone to see how much time you have left to sleep and found that it is 1 minute before your alarm is set to go off so you roll over and cry a little while waiting for the inevitable?

Clock
Have you ever taken out your phone to check the time, put it back in your pocket and realised that you didn't actually check the time when you were holding the phone?

Lyrics
Have you ever Googled the lyrics to a song and realised you've had it all wrong for years?

Queue
Have you ever stood in a short queue at the supermarket and then realised that the much longer queue next to you is moving much faster?

Voice
Have you ever heard a recording of your own voice, realised it sounded completely different and then stood staring out a window at the pouring rain and questioned who you really are?

Screensaver
Have you ever sat somewhere and zoned out, and then realised you are zoned out but was too lazy to zone back in again?

Expressions
Have you ever caught yourself making a facial expression and then thought "Woah, I didn't mean to make that face out loud?!" and hoped no-one saw you?

Browsing
Have you ever pretended to be looking at other products in the supermarket when someone is blocking access to the product you need and you are waiting for them to leave?

Potholes
Have you ever hit a pothole so hard that you apologised to your car out loud?

Phone Call
Have you ever been on your phone and had someone call you but you don't want to talk to them so you just stare at your phone until it stops ringing and you can go back to playing Candy Crush?

Radio
Have you ever sat in your car after you have parked and waited for a song to finish before turning the car off and getting out?

Minty Fresh
Have you ever chewed peppermint chewing gum and then had some really cold water and felt like you just had liquid nitrogen poured down your throat?

TV Dinner
Have you ever sat down for dinner in front of the TV and then had it go cold because you couldn't find a show you liked?

The Big Secret

I recently read an article called "Secrets Men Wish Women Knew". And that got me thinking. All the girly mags like Cosmo (or whatever other girly mags are out there, I'm not really clued up on them) always mention weight loss secrets, or how to look good naked or how to make a really healthy but still delicious fat free cucumber, moss, twig and barley smoothie that will instantly melt away your body fat, give you more energy than a cheetah on Red Bull and make your hair glossy, shiny and free from ticks and flees. Wait, I might have gone slightly off topic there. But then the thought occurred to me, no-one actually talks about what secrets men have. I'm not talking about that time you accidentally clicked on a link and an advert for a holiday resort featuring a scantily clad woman popped up just as your wife walked in and you had to explain yourself for three hours. No, I'm talking about the things men think of or experience every day. So I thought I would break the Man Code a bit and share some of our secrets. Only some though, I don't want to get my Man Card revoked!

WARNING: SERIOUS TRUTHS ABOUT TO BE REVEALED. NOT SUITABLE FOR SENSITIVE READERS

Men Can't Take Hints
Saying something like "I almost broke my neck falling over the hosepipe in the driveway" doesn't translate as "Oh dear, I'd better go out and pick it up". We will take it as a helpful heads-up from your side and take care not to fall over it ourselves. Rather be straightforward or you'll be frustrated a lot!

Pee as a Tool
We will sometimes use our stream of pee to try and clean a dirty spot in the toilet bowl while we are taking a tinkle. Or try and wee on the fly/mosquito/bug that happened to be in the bowl at the time and see if we can knock it into the water.

Nothing
When you ask us what we are thinking about and we answer with "nothing", don't get upset. Chances are we really aren't thinking of anything. Never underestimate a guy's ability to have no coherent thought in his mind whatsoever at any given point.

We Stick to It
If someone tells us we have a nice haircut or outfit, that shall be it for the next few years. We will always get our hair cut in that way or wear that outfit (or something similar) until the next person compliments us on something else.

Gentlemen
Sometimes we are not flirting, we are simply being nice. If we compliment a lady on her outfit, hair, nails etc that doesn't automatically mean we want to engage in intimate relations, it just means we appreciate the effort that the lady has put into her appearance and we want to be nice. So put down the pepper spray and say thank you!

Shower Time
Just because we sometimes spend upward of 20 minutes in the shower it doesn't mean we are jerking off or doing anything lewd and questionable. Men like hot showers too!

Erections
The spontaneous erection is the bane of men everywhere. An erection doesn't automatically mean arousal. This cannot be stressed enough! We get erections every two hours while sleeping because it is the body's way of ensuring enough blood flow to our manly bits. The timing also means that sometimes we wake up with one. It could also sometimes happen all on its own during the day (usually to teenage boys). All we can really do is look down and go "What is it boy? Did Timmy fall into the well again?"

Morning Wood
Speaking of which, we really struggle to take a leak when our manbits are doing their best impression of the North Pole. So be patient with us while we are trying to figure out how not to piss in our own eyes first thing in the morning!

Staring
If you catch us looking at you with our eyes glazed over, it doesn't mean that we are picturing you naked. It could just be that we phased out thinking about how we'd love to have opened a meadery in medieval times and called it Yon Thirsty Warthog, all the while just sort of looking in your general vicinity.

Mr Fix-It
When people come to us with a problem, our first inclination is to try and fix it, even when it is almost impossible to do. If you need us to listen, maybe lead into the conversation by telling us that you just need to vent for a bit. That way we will be in Attentive Listening Mode instead of Immediately Solve Problem mode.

Shake It Off
No matter how much we may squeeze, shake and dance after taking a wee, there will always be some left in the tube that will manifest itself the moment we are zipped back up. This does not mean that we don't practice proper hygiene, it is just something that happens.

The Funky Chicken
If, on a hot day, you see us doing a strange and unusual move while walking, we are not having a minor seizure, we are trying to unstick our balls from our legs, or trying to reposition said balls into a more comfortable position.

Good Aim
Because as guys we have to stand and tinkle, and that involves holding our manbits and pointing them in the direction of the toilet/urinal, a good aim is essential. But sometimes our little fellers just don't feel like peeing straight, no matter how carefully we aim. So if we do go off course, bear with us, we are not doing it on purpose.

Hobbies
If we have a goofy or strange hobby and you take an interest in it even if it bores you to tears, we will adore you for it. We love having our significant others take an interest in what we are doing recreationally, even if they don't understand it.

The Hero
We will often actively fantasize about saving the day. Whether from a mugger in the street or aliens bent on enslaving mankind for their own fiendish desires, we never grow out of a manly desire to be the hero of the moment.

The Zip
All guys learn very quickly from an early age to pull the zipper away from our bodies when zipping up. If you romantically lean behind us for a cuddle and then decide to help us get dressed by zipping up for us, don't be surprised if you suddenly get a butt in the stomach as we try and get our manbits out of the way of the gnashing metal teeth.

Shrinkage
All guys like to be thought of as big manly men. And none more so than in the dangly bit department. But due to our sperm requiring body heat in order to survive hanging from a skin sack between our legs, sometimes things shrink up when the temperature drops. This is a sensitive moment for us, try not to laugh (outwardly).

The Big Scare

So my lovely lady and I are fans of scary films. I'm not referring to anything with Justin Bieber or Paris Hilton in them, but genuine thrillers or horror films. But, after a while, we've started noticing some really common events that happen in pretty much any scary film, so much so that I have started referring to them as Horror Cliches. I've even started looking out for them in every film we watch and, most of the time, I find them. So without further ado, herewith my list of the most common Horror Film Cliches.

The Road
Inevitably someone will be running down a road and will be chased by the baddie in a car. It won't matter that the foliage next to the road is thick enough to hide Godzilla, the victim will never think to dive into the safety of the bushes where the car can't go.

Women Can't Run
The baddie appears, the woman bolts for the exit. The floor will be as free from obstacles as an ice rink but the woman will trip over absolutely nothing, enabling the baddie to catch up and shoot/stab/eat her.

The Useless Cars
At some point someone will jump into a car and try and start it. And, without fail, the car won't start. This is the same car that will most likely be shown running perfectly and reliably throughout the first part of the film.

Splitting Up
In most, if not all horror films, a group of people will decide that their chances of survival will increase if they split up into smaller groups or head off into the darkness on their own. Let's face it, if you are in a group of people of 4 to 6, you could easily overpower said baddie. But no, let's all split up and get creatively murdered while stumbling around in the dark.

Adults Are Useless
If it is a horror film where the main protagonists are kids/teens, the adults will usually not be of any help whatsoever and get murdered by the baddie the moment the kids/teens approach them for help.

The Speed-walking Killer
It seems that, no matter how fast the victim is running, the killer who is purposefully striding after them at a brisk pace will always be gaining. I'd love to be on that fitness program!

Phones Don't Work
No phone will ever work in a horror film once the baddie makes an appearance. Landlines will be cut or out of service and cell phones won't have signal or would have been destroyed in some accident.

Dark House/Building/Basement
There will always be a creepy house or dilapidated building or gloomy basement, usually so the baddie can jump out and murder a member of the group. What baffles me is how the baddie hasn't fallen asleep out of sheer boredom while sitting in the dark waiting for his first victims to arrive. And how he is not instantly blinded by the light that someone will eventually shine on him so he can murder them.

The Final Girl
There will always be the girl/teen/woman who has faced the baddie at least 15 times, each time getting slashed or stabbed or wounded in some way but persevering and eventually ending the baddie in some brutal way before hobbling off into the sunrise.

The Expert Shooter
The hero will always be an expert marksman, even when they've never wielded a gun up to that point. They will find one, fumble with it for a bit before emptying the entire magazine into the killer with surprising accuracy.

Jump Scares
There will come a time where the hero is catching his/her breath, usually in a darkened space, and then suddenly the killer will leap out and cause them to run away. How the killer got into their hiding space before them and why he doesn't just stab them then and there will always puzzle me.

Creepy Kids/Teens
For some reason there will always be creepy kids or teens hanging around. The little girl with the dark hair blocking out her face is a popular choice.

Killer Bathrooms
Most of the murders in movies will happen in the bathrooms. Either because the victims have decided to take shelter there (in case of pooping themselves out of sheer terror) or they are in the bath or shower, usually soaping themselves up like someone in a body wash commercial before getting murdered by the baddie.

Tardy Cops
The police will always arrive too late to actually do anything. And then in most cases get murdered by the baddie themselves.

Affection Kills
ANY form of romantic affection or intimacy basically guarantees that you will get murdered in the same scene, while the steamy events are happening, or one directly thereafter.

"Based on Actual Events"
Thriller/horror film producers like adding that line in, just to make you think that this has happened somewhere in the world and could thus happen to you.

The Rising Tension
Most of the time, while the hero is attempting to sneak away from the baddie, the music will rise dramatically thus making you think that the baddie is going to jump out and murder them right there and then but..........nothing happens.

Gloomy Investigations
The victims will always go and investigate dark areas. If you knew a killer was in the vicinity you would rather stick to well-lit areas instead of bravely but stupidly heading into the dark to go and see if you can find them. But then I suppose if the victim simply walks into a well-lit area and sits around for 90 minutes the film would be pretty boring.

Animals
Just as with affection, if the victim investigates a noise in a darkened room and is startled by a cat/dog/other miscellaneous animal, they are pretty much guaranteed to get murdered immediately after breathing a sigh of relief.

The Unkillable Killer
The killer will always survive whatever is done to them for the duration of the movie. They will get stabbed, shot, set on fire, thrown from a roof, blown up or run over but will always get back up to try and murder the victim again. That is some serious dedication!

The Alien Report

Mandalosian Star Command
Mission Report - Sub-Commander FhxlG'Tul
Subject - IGO-3 (Known to its inhabitants as Earth)

As you are aware, our primary mission was to observe and learn about the inhabitants of IGO-3 for a time period of 5 Mandalosian Time Cycles (approximately 11 Earth months). In this time we would document every aspect of their life cycles and determine if official first contact and possible colonization would be feasible. Herewith my report.

Life Cycle
Humans appear to be the dominant species on this planet, or at least the most evolved. They are conceived during some sort of elaborate mating ritual, culminating in what appears to be a feverish tussle with the male inserting his insemination appendage into the female's reception orifice. In some cases this is over rather quickly, in other cases it is a long and drawn out affair with lots of grunting and other sounds. Not a quiet, sterile insemination as is the case in our species. The gestation period in humans is also extremely long, taking approximately 9 of their months before the infant is ejected from the mother's body. Unlike our offspring, the human infant is dependent on the human adults for nourishment and care. This may last as long as 20 of their years. Compared to other mammalian species on the planet, whose young are weaned in a much shorter time, it is surprising that humans have risen to the top of their food chain.

Nourishment
Unlike our society that uses lab-grown re-sequenced foodstuffs with all the necessary nutrients added, humans appear to eat plant material. They also eat other mammalian species. In fact, it appears that they are willing to consume just about any other living species on the planet. In some remote locations on the planet, humans even hunt and consume each other! Unlike us, they have to eat frequently. In fact, it is recommended that they eat 3 meals a day. I am not sure why they require that much sustenance. Surely it places a large strain on available food sources.

Health
Humans appear to be extremely hardy. They are able to survive in temperatures ranging from freezing cold to extremely hot. Although there are many bacterial and viral agents present on their world, which cause a wide variety of illnesses, humans can in most cases fight off these illnesses using only their body's natural defense system. Humans are so hardy, in fact, that I have observed them with missing limbs and internal organs and yet they can still function normally. They also have supreme stamina and large groups regularly engage in various physical activities which would leave us exhausted.

Recreation
As mentioned above, humans engage in a wide variety of physical activities that they call "sport". This involves running long distances or having teams fight over spherical or oval shape objects referred to as "balls". Some of the games appear to involve getting rid of the "ball", as in something called "cricket". One player, as they are referred to, hurls the ball away from them and at another player who, in turn, swats it away using a large piece of wood called a "bat". Other players then rush to intercept the ball, I assume in case it goes missing, and hurls it back to its starting position. The whole procedure then starts all over again. Unfortunately its purpose completely escapes me.

Relationships with Other Species
Humans appear to enjoy the company of other species on their planet. I have observed them sharing their abodes with multiple animal species, including felines and canines. They appear to have a fascination with animals, no matter how large or fierce. As an experiment we selected a secluded area with a low human population and dropped off a Mandalosian fur-beast. As you well know, these are fierce predators on our home-world, so I expected the sight of an alien predator to strike fear into humans. The response was not one that I expected. Upon sighting the fur-beast, a human female emitted a high pitched squeal which I originally took to be a cry of fear. But then she rushed towards the fur-beast screaming incomprehensibly. I managed to pick out human words like "cute" and "fluffy". I suspect she intended to cuddle the fur-beast which, understandably, fled in confusion.

Transportation
Humans use land, water and air-based vehicles to travel across their planet. Most of these are crudely constructed out of metals and synthetic materials and use the controlled combustion of highly flammable liquids to power them. The astonishing thing is that they manage to travel around in these vehicles daily and do not spontaneously explode every so often. And when they want to travel outside of their atmosphere they use massive missiles filled with an even more combustible mix of liquids to propel themselves into space. I honestly do not know how they have managed to get this far technologically without killing off their entire species.

In Conclusion
I am of the opinion that humans are not suitable for contact with our species. They are violent and confusing, apparently reveling in destroying the world they live on. I was suprised to discover that they discovered how to split atoms, but not as suprised to find out that the first thing they applied it to was weaponry. I have observed a certain capacity for good as well, but in my opinion they are not ready or evolved enough to interact with us directly. And from what I have seen in their interactions with other species, they might try to eat/kill/cuddle our ambassador.

Power Up

My lovely lady and I were chatting the other day and the question of super powers came up. What super power would you choose if you could have any super power? Invisibility is at the top of the list, along with the ability to not go into a boiling rage when the taxi driver decides to park his beaten up minibus in the middle of the intersection so that one person can take an eternity to get in/out. But that got me thinking, what are the strangest super powers to ever grace comic books? I was very surprised when I looked it up!

1. Matter-Eater Lad
Matter-Eater Lad is from the planet Bismoll, where poisonous microbes made all food inedible, forcing the planet's inhabitants to evolve to have the ability to eat any form of matter. Matter-Eater Lad can also eat at super-speeds and consume matter otherwise thought to be indestructible, meaning that theoretically, he could eat Superman.

2. Bouncing Boy
Bouncing Boy made his comic book debut in 1961 after young Chuck Taine accidentally drank an experimental super-plastic formula he mistook for soda pop. He then gained the ability to inflate his body like a ball and bounce around without injury.

3. Arm-Fall-Off Boy
Arm-Fall-Off Boy's power stems from his ability to -- you guessed it -- detach his limbs and use them to beat evil-doers. Sadly, he was denied entry into the Legion Of Super-Heroes, despite the group inducting the likes of Matter-Eater Lad and Bouncing Boy. By all accounts, Arm-Fall-Off Boy was intended to be a joke character, and he very much was.

4. Squirrel Girl
This crime-fighting high-schooler can communicate with squirrels, but also has super strength, super speed and a retractable knuckle spike. She consumes macadamia nuts for extra strength and even has a squirrel sidekick. Squirrel Girl's crowning achievement is her defeat of the infamous Doctor Doom after she, umm, overwhelmed him with squirrels.

5. Red Bee
When Rick Raleigh isn't working as the assistant to Superior City's District Attorney, he's fighting crime under the guise of Red Bee. Red Bee has a swarm of trained bees stored in his belt to unleash on criminals at the ready. It is unknown how he trained the bees or how he is able to keep them in his belt (don't ask too many questions) but Red Bee is not to be confused with Yellowjacket, who can also control bees.

6. Zeitgeist
Alex Cluney has a very distinctive mutant power which enables him to spew acidic vomit from his mouth. Tragically, he discovered his power while making out with a girl; he vomited acid all over her and burned her face (thankfully she survived). His vomit is highly acidic, able to burn through 10-centimetre-thick steel in less than 30 seconds. Hopefully he also carries mints.

7. Infectious Lass
Drura Sehpt hails from the planet Somahtur, whose inhabitants can easily infect others with various diseases while they themselves remain immune to its effects. After travelling to Earth, Drura became Infectious Lass and began fighting crime, although her powers sometimes do as much harm as they do good, especially when she accidentally infects other heroes with illnesses.

8. Color Kid
Ulu Vakk was just a normal guy until a beam of multi-coloured light from another dimension struck him, thereby giving him the superpower to change to the colour of anything he wants.

9. Rainbow Girl
Dori Aandraison, also known as Rainbow Girl, can wield the mysterious power of the Emotional Spectrum, meaning that she has the ability to give herself unpredictable mood swings (ladies, amiright?!). Having always wanted to become an actress, she aspired to join the Legion Of Super Heroes in order to gain notoriety, but instead had to settle for the Legion Of Substitute Heroes.

10. Anarchist
Anarchist, one of the founding members of the X-Statix mutant superhero group, has the ability to secrete acidic sweat. His sweat allows him to project acidic blasts of energy. He and Zeitgeist should probably talk.

11. Dead Girl
Dead Girl's mutant powers were activated by her death (there's a shocker) which allowed her to continuously reanimate her corpse and come back to life, essentially making her immortal. Additionally, she can communicate with other dead beings, survive without any food, water or oxygen, and control severed parts of her body. And guys, she's (unsurprisingly) single.

12. Stone Boy
Dag Wentim is a native of the planet Zwen, where people developed the ability to turn themselves into stone for long periods of hibernation. Originally, he was unable to move in his stone form and was only able to transform into an immovable, nearly indestructible statue of himself, which was not very useful in battle (his teammates would sometimes drop him on villains). However, he eventually gained the ability to move while in his stone state.

13. Brother Power the Geek
Brother Power The Geek was originally just a mannequin in a tailor's shop. One day the mannequin was struck by lightning, which somehow not only brought it to life, but also gave it super powers. He may not look very formidable, but he has super strength and is nearly indestructible, though he is portrayed as a pacifist. (The original comic book debuted in 1968 and only lasted two issues before being cancelled.)

14. El Guapo
Robbie Rodriguez, a member of the X-Statix mutant group, has no discernible powers aside from a telepathic connection to a flying, seemingly sentient skateboard. He can control the skateboard with his mind, though the skateboard can also act through his subconscious thoughts. Sadly, after the skateboard falls under a curse, it flies out of control and impales El Guapo through the heart, killing him. Ironic, isn't it?

15. Jazz
Jazz appears to be a very special case in the X-Men universe due to the fact that his genetic mutation is not a power, but rather a change to his physical appearance, resulting in his skin turning blue. He has no other discernible powers or abilities. However, he is an aspiring rapper.

Somehow I am not very surprised that we never see the above heroes in any of the Avengers, Justice League or X-Men films.....

Cruel, Crazy, Beautiful World

For those of you who grew up in the 90's, the title of this post would mean that you now have Johnny Clegg's catchy hit song from that period stuck in your head. For those who have no idea what I am talking about, you are either too young or too lazy to just Google it. Shame on you! Anyway, I was lying in bed last night thinking about our country and the things happening in it and to it. Every day we get more news about corruption in government, or the fact that the Guptas were playing their own personal game of Monopoly with South Africa, or (unnecessary) fuel price hikes, or more strikes, or crime on the rise and so on. With the way things are going our national animal shouldn't be a springbok, it should be a rottweiler and our national anthem should be 5 minutes of gunshots, sirens and screaming.

I agree, this is not exactly a optimistic view of our country, but before you browse away looking for a passport and visa out of the country, or pictures of fluffy kittens or the nearest bottle store, bear with me. Yes, the country might be in chaos, and it might be ruled by people who think proper governance is something that comes as a cheap toy in a cereal box, but actually we still live in a beautiful place. We have the Big 5 (if you don't know what that is, why are you even on my blog), we have breathtaking scenery and we have a rich cultural heritage. Think about it, almost every week you read about floods in various parts of the world unceremoniously moving people's houses from one spot to another, or earthquakes knocking out power and playing dominoes with buildings, or typhoons/hurricanes/tornadoes/Justin Bieber causing chaos and completely ruining people's lives. Whereas here in South Africa, natural disasters tend to pass us by. A few years ago we had our very first tsunami warning. A massive wave was set to hit Durban and wipe out houses and businesses and cause death and destruction. Instead a large amount of surfers showed up and surfed a swell that was only marginally larger than the standard variety. Gauteng has recently experienced a few earthquakes which rattled windows and startled poodles, but nothing strong enough to cause any actual damage.

Let's face it, even the rest of the world acknowledges that we tend to be relatively free of any major meteorological or geological catastrophes. Look at any disaster movie where our planet is shown from space. The rest of the globe is encased in ice or submerged in water, but the continent of Africa is still there, sticking out of the ocean as proudly as a hippo in a bathtub. So relax, crack open a beer or pour a nice chilled glass of wine. As crazy as things seem, we are not all going to get washed away by the next cataclysm.....