The Alien Report

Mandalosian Star Command
Mission Report - Sub-Commander FhxlG'Tul
Subject - IGO-3 (Known to its inhabitants as Earth)

As you are aware, our primary mission was to observe and learn about the inhabitants of IGO-3 for a time period of 5 Mandalosian Time Cycles (approximately 11 Earth months). In this time we would document every aspect of their life cycles and determine if official first contact and possible colonization would be feasible. Herewith my report.

Life Cycle
Humans appear to be the dominant species on this planet, or at least the most evolved. They are conceived during some sort of elaborate mating ritual, culminating in what appears to be a feverish tussle with the male inserting his insemination appendage into the female's reception orifice. In some cases this is over rather quickly, in other cases it is a long and drawn out affair with lots of grunting and other sounds. Not a quiet, sterile insemination as is the case in our species. The gestation period in humans is also extremely long, taking approximately 9 of their months before the infant is ejected from the mother's body. Unlike our offspring, the human infant is dependent on the human adults for nourishment and care. This may last as long as 20 of their years. Compared to other mammalian species on the planet, whose young are weaned in a much shorter time, it is surprising that humans have risen to the top of their food chain.

Nourishment
Unlike our society that uses lab-grown re-sequenced foodstuffs with all the necessary nutrients added, humans appear to eat plant material. They also eat other mammalian species. In fact, it appears that they are willing to consume just about any other living species on the planet. In some remote locations on the planet, humans even hunt and consume each other! Unlike us, they have to eat frequently. In fact, it is recommended that they eat 3 meals a day. I am not sure why they require that much sustenance. Surely it places a large strain on available food sources.

Health
Humans appear to be extremely hardy. They are able to survive in temperatures ranging from freezing cold to extremely hot. Although there are many bacterial and viral agents present on their world, which cause a wide variety of illnesses, humans can in most cases fight off these illnesses using only their body's natural defense system. Humans are so hardy, in fact, that I have observed them with missing limbs and internal organs and yet they can still function normally. They also have supreme stamina and large groups regularly engage in various physical activities which would leave us exhausted.

Recreation
As mentioned above, humans engage in a wide variety of physical activities that they call "sport". This involves running long distances or having teams fight over spherical or oval shape objects referred to as "balls". Some of the games appear to involve getting rid of the "ball", as in something called "cricket". One player, as they are referred to, hurls the ball away from them and at another player who, in turn, swats it away using a large piece of wood called a "bat". Other players then rush to intercept the ball, I assume in case it goes missing, and hurls it back to its starting position. The whole procedure then starts all over again. Unfortunately its purpose completely escapes me.

Relationships with Other Species
Humans appear to enjoy the company of other species on their planet. I have observed them sharing their abodes with multiple animal species, including felines and canines. They appear to have a fascination with animals, no matter how large or fierce. As an experiment we selected a secluded area with a low human population and dropped off a Mandalosian fur-beast. As you well know, these are fierce predators on our home-world, so I expected the sight of an alien predator to strike fear into humans. The response was not one that I expected. Upon sighting the fur-beast, a human female emitted a high pitched squeal which I originally took to be a cry of fear. But then she rushed towards the fur-beast screaming incomprehensibly. I managed to pick out human words like "cute" and "fluffy". I suspect she intended to cuddle the fur-beast which, understandably, fled in confusion.

Transportation
Humans use land, water and air-based vehicles to travel across their planet. Most of these are crudely constructed out of metals and synthetic materials and use the controlled combustion of highly flammable liquids to power them. The astonishing thing is that they manage to travel around in these vehicles daily and do not spontaneously explode every so often. And when they want to travel outside of their atmosphere they use massive missiles filled with an even more combustible mix of liquids to propel themselves into space. I honestly do not know how they have managed to get this far technologically without killing off their entire species.

In Conclusion
I am of the opinion that humans are not suitable for contact with our species. They are violent and confusing, apparently reveling in destroying the world they live on. I was suprised to discover that they discovered how to split atoms, but not as suprised to find out that the first thing they applied it to was weaponry. I have observed a certain capacity for good as well, but in my opinion they are not ready or evolved enough to interact with us directly. And from what I have seen in their interactions with other species, they might try to eat/kill/cuddle our ambassador.