Punching in a Dream

So the past while we've had the unfortunate privilege of receiving frequent visits from nocturnal entities not so interested in drinking our blood but more interested in taking our stuff. Just two nights ago some silent shadow tried to liberate my lovely companion's computer monitor through a window that he had managed to open. Now, while he might have thought this a simple task, in actual fact he did not take into account the size of the monitor relative to the size of the opening in the burglar bars. Hence, he didn't manage anything other than just making a mess.

On top of that the dogs heard his futile attempts and made a tremendous racket, which caused us to open the door and let them out. So not only was the would-be thief faced with the enormity of his failure, he was also faced with a frantically barking Australian Shepherd and a furious 60kg Boerboel. Unfortunately he made a clean getaway before either us or our extremely upset canines could get to him. For those readers who aren't sure what a Boerboel looks like.....

Now this whole situation was weighing heavily on me, occupying my thoughts with visions of various booby traps and other burglar catching technology. So it should come as no surprise that last night I even dreamt about it. In my dream I was walking towards our humble abode when the same would-be thief jumps out of the bushes, rushes at me and starts attacking me. Naturally I defend myself. In my mind I looked like a MMA fighter high on caffeine and Red Bull!

Unfortunately I woke up to a massive crash in our bedroom. Turns out that, while I was fighting my imaginary attacker, I had punched straight through the lamp on my bedstand in my sleep. My lovely companion was looking at me strangely, and both the cats that had up until that point been sleeping peacefully on the bed had vanished, one wetting the bed in the process. After clearing up the chaos (which was considerable) and remaking the bed so that we could continue sleeping, my lovely companion leaned over and whispered "You killed the bad lamp."

So I have come to realise that one shouldn't over-think things. You may just end up fighting with yourself!

Baby Steps

Since our little angel first made her debut 10 months ago, my lovely companion and I have been under the impression that she has some pressing engagement that we are unaware of. She started sitting up by herself and then crawling WAY before any of the guidelines said that she was supposed to. And now, much to our delight, she started taking her first steps!

The only thing that concerns me slightly is the fact that, once she mastered the art of crawling, she can now move about with an amazing turn of speed. It seems that my lovely companion has given birth to The Flash! We have to keep such a close eye on her, because one moment she'd be happily playing on the carpet next to us, the next moment she'd be outside on the patio chasing one of the dogs around! I sometimes wonder if she has the ability to teleport! Now that she has taken her first tentative steps, I am convinced that she'll be running everywhere soon. And now maybe she will actually get to that appointment that she seems to have! We'd better watch her closely, otherwise she'll be doing this next.....

Frozen

Winter has finally arrived in South Africa! Now usually winter in South Africa means that you walk out of your house in the morning and notice that it is only slightly cooler than usual. We have very mild winters over here. But you get freaky winters, like this one, where you walk out the door and 5 seconds later you can cut glass with your nipples!

Just last night I mentioned to my lovely companion that I am thus far unimpressed with our winter. It has not really been cold yet. In fact, most of the time you roll up your sleeves halfway through the day, and your jacket remains forgotten in the back of your closet. Then sometime during the night, the wind started howling, the trees started shedding leaves everywhere and when I walked out of the house this morning, I walked straight into the next Ice Age! I half expected to see a mammoth, a sabre-tooth tiger and a sloth engaging in pithy word play in my front yard. (For those who are now scratching their heads, see Ice Age, the animated movie.) It would seem that my casual remark about the mildness of our winter thus far has angered Mother Nature. She retaliated with polar temperatures, just to put me in my place. When faced with such a response, there is only one question you can ask.....do you wanna build a snowman?

The Dreaded Question

There exists a question, one that most guys fear more than "Does this make me look fat?" or "Do you think I've picked up weight?" No, the one that strikes terror into most men is "So whatcha thinking about?"

The reason that most guys fear this question with a passion is that, most of the time, we're not thinking anything. Yes, you read that right. We can sit without a single coherent thought passing through our brain. That is why guys can sit next to a dam or river for an entire day pretending to fish while not actually doing anything. The only effort required is to lift the bottle of beer to your lips and take a good gulp.

The thing is that women's minds are constantly active. They are famous for multi-tasking, whereas guys are most definitely not. A woman can think of the grocery list, what she needs to dress the kids in, plan the entire route to the shops/school/hair salon, think of what to make for dinner and still carry on a conversation about the cute blouse she saw in Woolworths the other day. In the same span of time a guy is giggling about cutting a loud fart and wondering what to wear that day.

Women just don't have the ability to clear their minds and think of......well, nothing. Whereas guys can do that with ease. That is why all men fear the question of what is passing through their mind at that point. Because answering "Nothing", while true, will result in a massive argument because the woman believes he doesn't want to tell her what deep thoughts he is pondering. So ladies, take note, there are times where we will stare into the distance with a vacant expression on our faces. This does not mean we are pondering ways to save the rainforest or finding life on Mars. Nope, it means our internal screensaver is on and we are giving our minds a rest....

Once Upon a Time

Every few years our politicians get up from their comfy chairs and decide to mingle with the public, kiss babies, smile broadly and make promises they don't intend to keep. And every political party has their own list of particular promises. Some promise more jobs and free housing, other free health care. One political party even promised to nationalize the ocean, because it is unfair that only a few people should benefit from it!

The biggest problem that we have in South African politics (apart from the fact that no-one in government actually knows what they're doing) is that we have a massive amount of large and small political parties all trying to get people to vote for them and thus diluting the whole voting process. My lovely companion recently mentioned that we should follow the American system and have just two major parties instead of 5 million small ones. And I agree with her. That way the reigning party can be held more accountable, and if they screw up, they can be booted out and the other one takes over. Unfortunately, even though they all promise to raise the dead, end world hunger and give everyone free Ferraris, those promises never realize. At this point there is so much fiction going on at the polls that I think we should start looking elsewhere for our political leaders.....

Down with the Sickness

I love oxtail. And before I continue expanding on this, let me just enlighten those who don't know what oxtail is. It is a rich stew made with veggies, gravy and the meat of an ox tail, hence the name. I'm not sure if this is purely a South African dish, but hey, it tastes good. I have just one problem; every time I eat it, no matter who makes it, I get sick. I have tried family recipes, internet recipes and various restaurant versions. No matter where I eat it, I end up like this...

Shortly after eating it I experience crippling stomach cramps, and then a OVERWHELMING desire to run to the bathroom, shut the door and make a variety of interesting and amusing noises.

Then I have friend who loves chocolate. If that is the only foodstuff that was left on earth, she'd be happy. She even has a full desk drawer filled to the brim with various chocolate bars. Other people have underwear/sock drawers, she has a chocolate drawer. There is only one problem; she is allergic to chocolate. More specifically, the cocoa in chocolate. Shortly after indulging in a chocolate bar (or five), she winds up like this...

A splitting, hangover-like headache, without the fun of having consumed any alcohol beforehand. For days on end.

My lovely companion suffers from a similar affliction, caused by any form of white bread or starch containing flour. But she enjoys pizza and pasta, and hence winds up holding her head, groaning softly and glaring at everyone after indulging.

This got me wondering, why do we do these things to ourselves? Why do we eat or drink things that we know will make us feel like we got hit over the head with a Klingon pain stick? The answer is simple, in my opinion; we enjoy the taste. We enjoy food. There is no point in eating if all you are going to eat is some nutritional slush that looks like week old porridge. We enjoy aromas, sights and tastes. Is it a good idea to continue eating the things that make us feel that way? Probably not. Are we going to keep doing it? You bet we will!

Tale as Old as Time

This time of the year always makes me panic slightly. Not because seasons are changing, or the leaves are starting to turn brown or anything so mundane and ordinary. No, it's because for some weird reason all my family members are celebrating a birthday. You have my mom and step-dad on the 1st of March, my father-in-law on the 22 of March, my dad on the 29th of March, my mother-in-law on the 2nd of April, my grandmother on the 3rd of April, my grandfather on the 5th of April and various friends throughout the rest of April.

So March/April is usually filled with cakes, presents and lots of spending. While I do enjoy a good measure of merriment, it got me wondering. Why do we celebrate birthdays? Is it a way to say "Congrats, you've made it through another year! Well done!". It wasn't that difficult really, I just did what I did every year so far, which is breathe, eat and sleep. Occasionally there is work and exercise somewhere in between. So I didn't do much.

Then I know some friends and family members who dread an approaching birthday, because you get older! Oh no! But then, aren't we getting older every day? Why must just this one day be such a big deal?

You know what, I'm not going to worry too much about it. It's a celebration of life. I will enjoy having some cake, having fun at the party and celebrating another year done and dusted. And seeing as my birthday also happens to fall in April, I will keep calm and party on!