Terror

I am a big fan of games. And I am a big fan of sci-fi. I particularly enjoy the Alien franchise. So when I heard that they were bringing out a survival horror game based on the franchise I jumped at the chance to experience it. For those who don't know what I am talking about, the picture below should refresh your memory....

Everyone has at some point or another watched a film featuring the cuddly guy above. Known as xenomorphs, these things are terrifying killing machines, capable of running on the walls or ceilings, tearing metal apart like it was soggy toilet paper and eliciting a yelp of terror from even the hardiest gamer or movie-goer. And now they've turned dealing with these things into an interactive bladder-leaking experience.

The game is called Alien Isolation and puts you in a direct one-on-one confrontation with a xenomorph who stalks you relentlessly through the halls of a derelict space station. "Ah, at least they will give you the means to deal with this nasty critter!" you say. But no, they don't. Nothing you do will deter this thing from trying to suck your liver out through your nose. If you make a noise, it will find you and kill you. If it is in the area while you are walking about, it will find you and kill you. If you walk under an open air vent, it will kill you. If you sneeze, it will kill you. If you breathe, it will kill you. A friend and I have spent some time trying to get through the game without getting killed. We have failed hopelessly. Time and time again. We've even silently crawled around for literally hours on end, hiding in lockers and under beds, trying to outsmart our grinning foe, only to be violently janked out of an air-duct or locker and french kissed to death. But we love it! Yes it is frustrating and terrifying, but that is what makes this an awesome game. Someone once asked me just how terrifying this game really is. I'll let you judge for yourself....

Snakes On a Plane

Snakes! Since the beginning of time they have fascinated/intrigued/horrified us. And there are so many different kind of snakes that you'd be hard-pressed to try and remember them all. We are so fascinated by them that we make movies about them. Take the title to my post for example. Here is a movie made more terrifying by the prospect of being inside a pressurized tube hundreds of feet up in the air filled with slithering reptiles. Of course they just had to add Samuel L Jackson to it, because they also felt that the movie could use multiple instances of the word "motherf*cker".

Not too long ago I was in a pet shop. The main display was a massive glass tank with a 2 meter python in it. That wasn't disturbing. What disturbed me was the fact that the python was named Sugar! Why on earth would you want to call something that could squeeze the life out of you, and then eat you Sugar?! It's like calling a pit bull Muffin. It makes absolutely no sense to me!

Snakes have been kept as pets, been the stars in many movies, and have been the antagonists in many video games. Let's face it, we can't get away from them! Then there is the most famous snake of all, the one that mislead Eve in the Garden of Eden. Now, I am willing to give Eve the benefit of the doubt here. Everything was still new and shiny, so for her to have a conversation with a snake was probably nothing out of the ordinary. I, on the other hand, would have gone "Holy Crap! A talking snake!" and run off to fetch Adam, leaving the snake wondering what the hell just happened.

I don't mind people keeping snakes as pets, and I certainly don't mind them being included in popular media. But unfortunately, as fascinated as I am with them, I just can't bring myself to actually own one.....

The Grammar Nazis

So as an additional source of income, my lovely companion is a freelance editor for the University of Pretoria. This means that students (and sometimes lecturers) can send her their thesis for editing. This involves checking grammar, spacing, referencing and all sorts of other weird and mysterious things. And because of her thoroughness she is quite popular. Sometimes too popular! There are times where she has such a large workload that I have to step in and assist. Don't look at me like that! I am a trained proofreader, among other things! Now usually I don't mind assisting her, but there are times, like last night, when we come across a student who has heard about this thing called grammar, but doesn't really know or care how it works. Some of his sentences left us like this.....

You sense that he is trying to communicate, but you just can't figure out what he is trying to say! There are sentences that just end mid-sentence. Others have so many different thoughts crammed into one that at some point we were convinced he was gurgling with drain water or snorting baby powder.

Don't get me wrong, my lovely companion has edited for students who have written absolute masterpieces. Beautiful sentences, great ideas! In some cases it was so well written that you could easily form a picture in your mind. You could see exactly what they meant! And it is awesome! But some, like our unfortunate friend last night, leave you wondering whether they might be the Mad Hatter in disguise. When faced with such blatant disregard for the English language, there is but one facial expression that you can have when reading their work......

Recalculating

The other day my lovely companion and I looked up some directions on Google Maps. At first it was very confusing, but we finally managed to get our route planned out. But that got me thinking, are we starting to rely too much on technology? Is studying a paper map becoming a lost art? Now I've got nothing against using a GPS, but I've had more than a few rather weird experiences with them. A while back I had to go deliver a document to a Government department in another city. A city that I have never been to previously. So I thought "Not a problem, I have a GPS." After some fiddling and button pushing, and one or two colourful words, my destination was set. I told the GPS to start navigation. It promptly told me that it didn't have signal. That should have been warning sign number one. So I thought I'd drive in the general direction of the city in question and wait for the GPS to regain signal. When it finally regained its lost signal, it immediately told me to make a u-turn. On the freeway. Traveling at 120km/h. Needless to say I regarded it in the way that one would regard a person who had just sprouted a third eye while yodeling. After it realized that I wasn't going to follow its sage advice, it recalculated along the route I was driving. All went well until I reached the city, whereupon the GPS told me to make a left turn and then started recalculating. I was stunned. It had told me to turn left! And then it started rerouting! I was rather convinced that it was quite lost and wanted me to pull over so it could get its bearings again. Finally, after a minute or so, it regained its confidence and proceeded to lead me to my destination. Imagine my surprise when it proudly exclaimed that I had reached my destination, only for me to see the following....

There was absolutely nothing there! Just grass and some trees and very little else. I found myself wondering if the Government department that I was supposed to visit was underground, or invisible. Needless to say I turned around, much to the dismay of the GPS, who kept advising me to make a u-turn. After suppressing the urge to throw it out of the window, I turned it off and asked directions from a local. Less than 5 minutes later I was at my destination.

The scary thing is, I've heard of people who have driven into grasslands and even into the ocean because they blindly follow the suggestions of a device that is clearly trying to kill them. I'm convinced that the GPS gives you a false sense of security while secretly plotting your demise. So my mind has been made up, until technology improves, and until our electronic devices let go of their homicidal tendencies, I will rely on the trusty paper map!

Party Rock is in the House Tonight!

Well, okay, not tonight, but Saturday night. My lovely companion's 30th birthday party has finally arrived! The amount of effort and planning that went into this event was more intense than most military battle strategy sessions! But, after delving through the internet for party theme ideas (and getting quite freaked out by the wide variety of questionable themes available) we have finally settled on a Marvel and DC Heroes and Villains party. Yes, for a few hours on Saturday our house will resemble Comic Con. Only with better food and beverages. There will even be prizes awarded for the best dressed male and female.

 Now as with any party, we expected a bunch of people to just go "I don't want to dress up" and then rock up in t-shirt and jeans, but so far the response and enthusiasm is breathtaking! One friend even went so far as to ask if she can show up as Squirrel Girl. At first we thought she was joking, but turns out there is in fact a Squirrel Girl in the Marvel Universe!

So I am very happy to report that this will be an awesome party with many colorful and unique costumes! And we are looking forward to it immensely! That leaves just one question......who will I be going as? The truth is.......I AM IRON MAN!

The First of Many!

So, our little angel's first birthday has come and gone. It's hard to believe that it has been a year since she first cuddled her way into our lives! And what a year it has been! She surprises us daily with her cuteness and intelligence. And for such a special girl, you have to have a special first birthday party. This party was planned with more attention to detail than most nuclear strikes. Everything had to be perfect! So she received her first present on Saturday morning, and proceeded to play with the wrapping paper instead. Then we got her all dressed up for a special event. It is called "Smash the Cake" which basically involves putting down sheets everywhere, giving the baby a birthday cake and letting them have their way with it.

Our little angel enjoyed it immensely! When first presented with her vanilla and strawberry buttercream cake, she fell face first into it for the first bite. After that her time was spent alternating between eating off all the icing and posing for pictures. Thereafter she took a well-deserved nap while we went to the venue to prepare for the dedication ceremony. The dedication ceremony was a tremendous success, even though our little angel, with a massive amount of cake-induced energy, ran around laughing like a hyena the entire time! Then it was time for the after party. Another one of her birthday gifts featured quite prominently; an inflatable pool filled with coloured balls for her to play in. The manufacturers of said inflatable pool wanted to make sure that the air that you put into it stays there, but unfortunately they did it so well that it was next to impossible to actually get the air INTO it. After about an hour and a half spent huffing and puffing which would have made the big bad wolf glow with pride, it was inflated to all its glorious rainbow-coloured glory. The unadulterated joy on our little angel's face upon seeing her very own ball pit made all the effort worth it though!

After all was said and done, our little angel drifted to sleep for a well deserved rest, and we followed suit soon thereafter. All in all it was a very memorable first birthday. Even though the following day I had to spend some more time re-inflating her ball pit, which had been deflated for transport.....

Nice to Meet You!

My lovely companion and I have recently come to realise that we have produced quite the little social butterfly! Wherever our little angel goes, she makes friends with all the kids in her vicinity. Restaurants, shopping centers, you name it, she will find someone to chat to. Not that you can understand a word she's saying just yet.

This past weekend we took her grocery shopping with us. She spent the first 15 minutes of the shopping experience snoozing in the trolley, and then, refreshed after her power nap, spent the rest of the time frantically greeting passersby. Her standard greeting is waving while uttering a loud "HAAAAAAAAAAH!" causing most people to be rather startled, especially because most of them only notice her at that point. But then, it would be rather difficult to avoid a friendly toddler squealing in your ear!

My lovely companion takes our little angel to a playgroup once a week. Now there are a few activities that the moms and tots are required to do while at this playgroup, and all the OTHER moms and tots do them quite well. Our little angel, on the other hand, usually decides to explore and make friends. She takes up position in the middle of the floor, selects a likely candidate and crawls over for an introduction, usually leaving my lovely companion to follow her around apologizing to the other moms for the untimely interruption.

We don't mind the friendliness of our little angel, especially as she has shown herself to be an excellent judge of character! If she likes you, you are generally a good person. If she doesn't, and we have learned this from experience, there is usually a rather dodgy side that you are just hiding very well. But few people can escape her falcon-like scrutiny!

We love our little angel to bits, and we are enjoying every moment of her development. She surprises us daily, and at this rate who knows, she might just bring a little light to others as well!