New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of the year again. Everyone is relaxed after the Christmas season. It is a new year, filled with fresh promise and new opportunities! And it is also the time of year that we lie to ourselves like no other time! Common lies include "I'm going to quit smoking" or "I'm going to be healthy, I'm only going to eat salad and muesli" or "I'm going back to the gym so that I can lose weight and look like Hugh Jackman".

But then, somewhere around June, we realise that we are still puffing away, still eating cheeseburgers with extra everything and we still look like the bastard child of the Oros Man. The only exercise we get is going to the fridge for another beer!

Why do we lie to ourselves like this? Why do we keep setting goals that we never ever attempt to reach? Is it that we don't have the time? Maybe we are not motivated enough. Or maybe that couch is just so damn comfortable! "This won't happen if I get a personal trainer" you say. But yes, it will. You will show up diligently for one week, maybe two if the trainer is of the opposite sex and really cute, but eventually you'll stop altogether. So I suggest a personal trainer that won't take no for an answer, one that will show up at your house and drag you to the gym. One that will appear behind you in every mirror you look into.

Yes, Chuck Norris. This is a man that can play tennis against a wall, and the wall will lose. A man that can have a staring contest with the sun, and the sun will blink first. A man that can shoot down airplanes by pointing a finger at them and yelling "Bang!" So if anyone can get us to keep our promises this year, it is Chuck Norris! No matter where you hide, he will find you. No matter the excuse, he will roundhouse kick it out of you. And when he's done with you, you will have abs of steel, pectorals that can move mountains and a beard that can stop bullets! You will also talk with a cowboy accent and have the irresistible urge to kick people in the face. Okay, maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.......