When All Else Fails....

Men's bathrooms. In my honest opinion only nuclear waste dump sites are more disgusting! What is it about being in a bathroom that you don't own that makes men stop aiming, and more importantly, stop flushing? It's like a neanderthal part of the male brain kicks in and goes "Duuur, I are not at home, I must mark my territory.....hur hur hur." For those of us with a more advanced grasp of personal hygiene, this is absolutely baffling! In fact, I've come to the conclusion that men's bathrooms must now be indicated as follows:

This would prevent the more intelligent modern man from going into a potentially deadly environment and catching Ebola, syphilis, measles or a combination of all three. A recent event prompted my little rant, and I feel I should explain. I went into the men's bathroom at our office complex to blow my nose. Walking into one of the stalls I was greeted a ghastly sight. It appeared that someone had eaten mexican, indian and/or thai food, developed intense diarrhea and had then proceeded to explode all over the stall. Because (and I'm assuming this, nothing else would make sense) of the low blood sugar and low blood pressure caused by expelling most of your internal organs, this unfortunate soul then didn't flush. Now, because this is a frequent occurance at the office complex where I am employed, the building management put up a sign behind the stall door which says the following:

Please remember to flush the toilet after you are done!

•At the back of the toilet you will find a handle, please hold this down until everything is flushed away.

•Please clean the toilet seat after you are done.

•Please leave the stall clean and tidy.

This was clearly not working, as this particular sign has been ignored time and again. I felt inspired to make my own sign. One that would clearly convey the frustration of more hygienic men when faced with the hazards of a public bathroom. One that would demonstrate how tired we are of having to repeat the same message over and over again. The end result was a masterpiece:

After replacing management's sign with mine, we have had a 100% increase in flushing. No more dirty toilets, no more spills on the seats. In fact, the sign worked so well that building management left it in place. I firmly believe that this is because you cannot help but flush if you have Samuel L Jackson staring at you, instructing you to flush as only he can. Now every time I enter into the bathroom, I am greeted by the sight of a clean and sparkling toilet stall. This made me think that I may have missed my calling. If ever I find myself unemployed, I can create striking, effective yet pithy signs for a living....