Sing it!

I'm a big fan of Disney movies. The innocence of the plot lines, the fact that, in a violent world, there are still movies without the sex, strong language and violence. They are also usually brilliantly animated, and just make you feel so much better after watching them. There is just one thing that baffles me: why must everyone always sing about everything? And no-one bats an eye while it's happening! If I were to try that in the real world (well, apart from the fact that I sing about as well as a bullfrog) people would lock me up for being out of my mind! Can you imagine the situation? In an office environment, walking over to the printer to collect a document that I've just attempted to print, only to realise that the printer is out of ink. What to do? I know! I'll burst into song for no apparent reason!

A movie that sums this weirdness up perfectly, is Enchanted. It is ironically a Disney movie, but where they make fun of the fact that people randomly burst into song at inappropriate moments. My favourite scene in the entire film is where Prince Charming finds his princess, starts singing about how glad he is and then gets run over by a whole group of cyclists. THAT's the way it's supposed to go! My favourite movie line of all time also originates in this movie. It is where Prince Charming finally gets to belt out his love for the princess, and the male lead character mumbles to himself "Oh good, he sings too." I have shamelessly adopted that line, and mumble it at least once while watching any Disney movie, much to my Lovely Companion's chagrin.

I guess I'll never understand Disney's logic, and maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe I'm just supposed to sit back, relax, grab the popcorn and enjoy the show....

When All Else Fails....

Men's bathrooms. In my honest opinion only nuclear waste dump sites are more disgusting! What is it about being in a bathroom that you don't own that makes men stop aiming, and more importantly, stop flushing? It's like a neanderthal part of the male brain kicks in and goes "Duuur, I are not at home, I must mark my territory.....hur hur hur." For those of us with a more advanced grasp of personal hygiene, this is absolutely baffling! In fact, I've come to the conclusion that men's bathrooms must now be indicated as follows:

This would prevent the more intelligent modern man from going into a potentially deadly environment and catching Ebola, syphilis, measles or a combination of all three. A recent event prompted my little rant, and I feel I should explain. I went into the men's bathroom at our office complex to blow my nose. Walking into one of the stalls I was greeted a ghastly sight. It appeared that someone had eaten mexican, indian and/or thai food, developed intense diarrhea and had then proceeded to explode all over the stall. Because (and I'm assuming this, nothing else would make sense) of the low blood sugar and low blood pressure caused by expelling most of your internal organs, this unfortunate soul then didn't flush. Now, because this is a frequent occurance at the office complex where I am employed, the building management put up a sign behind the stall door which says the following:

Please remember to flush the toilet after you are done!

•At the back of the toilet you will find a handle, please hold this down until everything is flushed away.

•Please clean the toilet seat after you are done.

•Please leave the stall clean and tidy.

This was clearly not working, as this particular sign has been ignored time and again. I felt inspired to make my own sign. One that would clearly convey the frustration of more hygienic men when faced with the hazards of a public bathroom. One that would demonstrate how tired we are of having to repeat the same message over and over again. The end result was a masterpiece:

After replacing management's sign with mine, we have had a 100% increase in flushing. No more dirty toilets, no more spills on the seats. In fact, the sign worked so well that building management left it in place. I firmly believe that this is because you cannot help but flush if you have Samuel L Jackson staring at you, instructing you to flush as only he can. Now every time I enter into the bathroom, I am greeted by the sight of a clean and sparkling toilet stall. This made me think that I may have missed my calling. If ever I find myself unemployed, I can create striking, effective yet pithy signs for a living....

What Went Wrong?

I couldn't help but notice (seeing as it was on pretty much every webpage I opened lately) Miley Cyrus romping around on stage while wearing very little and doing something called "twerking", whatever the hell that is. My lovely companion and I then speculated about what went wrong. Miley went from sweet and wholesome Hannah Montana to something very akin to a singing stripper with a mild concussion. Then, a few years ago, you had Britney. She also started off quite sweet and innocent, and then turned into a hillbilly as soon as the money started rolling in. What is it about fame that turns regular people into trailer trash?

This brings me to my second point. I am absolutely astounded by the success of Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga. Why on earth would a teenage boy who sounds very much like a teenage girl when he sings be so popular? And why would all teenage girls (and some 40 year old women as well) fall so madly in love with him? Then you have Lady Gaga. This is someone who started off quite okay actually, and then got so weird that using the word weird doesn't even do her justice. Bizarre, maybe? These days, every time I turn on the radio and I listen to what is on offer, I get this expression:

What happened to music?! Gone are the days of Led Zeppelin, Dire Straits and Queen. Now every band sounds the same, and if the band or singer isn't completely weird in the process, no-one listens to them.

I firmly believe that none of the bands today can ever be as epic as Queen. We are talking about a band whose music is still being used in movies and television. And this 12 years after the death of its lead singer. A man whose vocal ability and charisma few can match. So, to all bands out there I say this, be quiet, pop in a Queen CD, get out your notepads and pencils, get ready to take some notes, stomp your feet and repeat after me: "We will, we will ROCK YOU!"