Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!!!!

Well, okay, maybe not Sparta. But the madness is just as real! Not too long ago my lovely companion and I went grocery shopping. This is an activity that baffles me every time I accompany her. Not because I don't know how everything works, but the way our fellow shoppers go about their business. They will minutely inspect each item they buy, often conferring with a fellow shopper for long periods of time and blocking your access to that section of the aisle. On this particular trip, two ladies were having a deep conversation about a jar of gherkins. Now I'm sorry, I can understand a lengthy discussion about purchasing a new car, or a house, or a puppy, but not a jar of gherkins! You don't have to phone a friend, ask the audience or go 50/50, it's a jar of gherkins! Then you get the two shoppers who appear to know one another and haven't seen each other for "years and years" and then catch up on all the lost time in the middle of the pasta aisle. At times like this I honestly feel like shouting "AHOOH!" three times and just rushing forward and ramming them out of the way. (For those who have no idea what I'm on about, watch 300. For those who have watched 300 and still have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm deeply disappointed!) So I'd probably end up looking something like this:

(I realise this isn't the best Photoshop effort ever, but I was trying to make a point, not win any Photoshop prizes!) Then, the worst kind of shopper.......(queue dramatic music).....The Ankle Basher! These shoppers are oblivious to their surroundings, and to the damage that their little wheeled basket of death can do. Many a time I'd be perusing the wares when there is a bump and a searing pain through my ankle. At those times the conversation goes something like this:

Gets bumped by trolley.....
Me: Ack! Ow (insert expletive here)!
Shopper: Oh, I am so sorry! I didn't see you!
What I think: I'm 6 feet tall and have shoulders the size of a cement truck! How the hell could you not see me!
What I say: Oh, that's alright! Hee hee! I almost didn't feel it!
Shopper: Okay, great! Well sorry again!
Me: Not a problem!

Limps away thinking "Ow, ow, ow, sonofabitch, ow ow!"

I think I can definitely say that women are the superior sex when it comes to shopping. Men have no clue! And let's face it, most men are not built for shopping. Women are small and agile, like arrows flying through the air. Men were always intended as battering rams, so we don't work well in small confined spaces. Score another one for the girls!