Perhaps I should explain why I picked the name I did. We all know that any good marriage has boundaries. That is just the way of things. But for some reason bed space is a bit of a grey area. Let me give you an example; you and your wife share a double bed. You know that one half of the bed is yours, and one half of the bed is hers. But for some reason our lovely companions seem to forget this the moment they fall asleep. Many a time we will drift off together, each where we are supposed to be, happy in the knowledge that we are on our way to a blissful outing in dreamland. But somewhere in the middle of the night, after sleeping soundly for a short time, we get an elbow in the face, or in the ribs, or in my case, sometimes a knee lower down. My lovely companion has assumed the starfish position, and thus the space on the bed suddenly becomes very limited. It can be broken down as follows:
While Awake:
Him: half of the bed space
Her: half of the bed space
Asleep:
Him: teetering on the edge of the mattress
Her: three quarters of the bed
This appears to be the natural state of things, as I have done some intense study into this phenomenon. But, fear not, for I have developed my own personal repellant to this invasion: ear-splitting snoring. I'm sure that when I really get into a good rhythm even the neighbors can't sleep. This has forced my lovely companion to invest in industrial grade earplugs, which tend to last only about 5 days before the need arises to replace them. Many times I have woken up to a well-placed kick to the shin from my wife, desperate for a bit of sleep. And so we both engage in our nightly bedroom warfare, her conquering the space available, and me retaliating with an audio onslaught. I am not sure if there will ever be a peaceful outcome to this terrible war, but I will keep you posted!
No comments:
Post a Comment