The Dreaded Question

There exists a question, one that most guys fear more than "Does this make me look fat?" or "Do you think I've picked up weight?" No, the one that strikes terror into most men is "So whatcha thinking about?"

The reason that most guys fear this question with a passion is that, most of the time, we're not thinking anything. Yes, you read that right. We can sit without a single coherent thought passing through our brain. That is why guys can sit next to a dam or river for an entire day pretending to fish while not actually doing anything. The only effort required is to lift the bottle of beer to your lips and take a good gulp.

The thing is that women's minds are constantly active. They are famous for multi-tasking, whereas guys are most definitely not. A woman can think of the grocery list, what she needs to dress the kids in, plan the entire route to the shops/school/hair salon, think of what to make for dinner and still carry on a conversation about the cute blouse she saw in Woolworths the other day. In the same span of time a guy is giggling about cutting a loud fart and wondering what to wear that day.

Women just don't have the ability to clear their minds and think of......well, nothing. Whereas guys can do that with ease. That is why all men fear the question of what is passing through their mind at that point. Because answering "Nothing", while true, will result in a massive argument because the woman believes he doesn't want to tell her what deep thoughts he is pondering. So ladies, take note, there are times where we will stare into the distance with a vacant expression on our faces. This does not mean we are pondering ways to save the rainforest or finding life on Mars. Nope, it means our internal screensaver is on and we are giving our minds a rest....

Once Upon a Time

Every few years our politicians get up from their comfy chairs and decide to mingle with the public, kiss babies, smile broadly and make promises they don't intend to keep. And every political party has their own list of particular promises. Some promise more jobs and free housing, other free health care. One political party even promised to nationalize the ocean, because it is unfair that only a few people should benefit from it!

The biggest problem that we have in South African politics (apart from the fact that no-one in government actually knows what they're doing) is that we have a massive amount of large and small political parties all trying to get people to vote for them and thus diluting the whole voting process. My lovely companion recently mentioned that we should follow the American system and have just two major parties instead of 5 million small ones. And I agree with her. That way the reigning party can be held more accountable, and if they screw up, they can be booted out and the other one takes over. Unfortunately, even though they all promise to raise the dead, end world hunger and give everyone free Ferraris, those promises never realize. At this point there is so much fiction going on at the polls that I think we should start looking elsewhere for our political leaders.....

Down with the Sickness

I love oxtail. And before I continue expanding on this, let me just enlighten those who don't know what oxtail is. It is a rich stew made with veggies, gravy and the meat of an ox tail, hence the name. I'm not sure if this is purely a South African dish, but hey, it tastes good. I have just one problem; every time I eat it, no matter who makes it, I get sick. I have tried family recipes, internet recipes and various restaurant versions. No matter where I eat it, I end up like this...

Shortly after eating it I experience crippling stomach cramps, and then a OVERWHELMING desire to run to the bathroom, shut the door and make a variety of interesting and amusing noises.

Then I have friend who loves chocolate. If that is the only foodstuff that was left on earth, she'd be happy. She even has a full desk drawer filled to the brim with various chocolate bars. Other people have underwear/sock drawers, she has a chocolate drawer. There is only one problem; she is allergic to chocolate. More specifically, the cocoa in chocolate. Shortly after indulging in a chocolate bar (or five), she winds up like this...

A splitting, hangover-like headache, without the fun of having consumed any alcohol beforehand. For days on end.

My lovely companion suffers from a similar affliction, caused by any form of white bread or starch containing flour. But she enjoys pizza and pasta, and hence winds up holding her head, groaning softly and glaring at everyone after indulging.

This got me wondering, why do we do these things to ourselves? Why do we eat or drink things that we know will make us feel like we got hit over the head with a Klingon pain stick? The answer is simple, in my opinion; we enjoy the taste. We enjoy food. There is no point in eating if all you are going to eat is some nutritional slush that looks like week old porridge. We enjoy aromas, sights and tastes. Is it a good idea to continue eating the things that make us feel that way? Probably not. Are we going to keep doing it? You bet we will!

Tale as Old as Time

This time of the year always makes me panic slightly. Not because seasons are changing, or the leaves are starting to turn brown or anything so mundane and ordinary. No, it's because for some weird reason all my family members are celebrating a birthday. You have my mom and step-dad on the 1st of March, my father-in-law on the 22 of March, my dad on the 29th of March, my mother-in-law on the 2nd of April, my grandmother on the 3rd of April, my grandfather on the 5th of April and various friends throughout the rest of April.

So March/April is usually filled with cakes, presents and lots of spending. While I do enjoy a good measure of merriment, it got me wondering. Why do we celebrate birthdays? Is it a way to say "Congrats, you've made it through another year! Well done!". It wasn't that difficult really, I just did what I did every year so far, which is breathe, eat and sleep. Occasionally there is work and exercise somewhere in between. So I didn't do much.

Then I know some friends and family members who dread an approaching birthday, because you get older! Oh no! But then, aren't we getting older every day? Why must just this one day be such a big deal?

You know what, I'm not going to worry too much about it. It's a celebration of life. I will enjoy having some cake, having fun at the party and celebrating another year done and dusted. And seeing as my birthday also happens to fall in April, I will keep calm and party on!

Sleepless in South Africa

I have a rather fixed routine before I turn off the light and go to sleep. I usually indulge in a good book in order to clear my head and immerse myself in a realm of fantasy. Let's face it, everyone loves a good story! The fact that I know a few people who never read anything except food labels and the occasional Facebook post sort of horrifies me! But I digress. After reading a few chapters (and if it's a really good book, quite a few chapters, after which I am angry with myself) I usually turn the light off and think about what I've read. But there are times when the following is true....

It's like my brain has decided to go into overdrive and play back the day's events, or think about upcoming events, or tries to solve world hunger, or contemplates why Justin Bieber is so popular, or relives an awesome birthday cake I had when I was 4. It really was an awesome cake, by the way! But the point is that my body is begging me to go to sleep, but my brain is defiant. That got me wondering (with the lights out, while trying to fall asleep) why this is. Why, when we are exhausted and need our 8 hours of beauty sleep (or in my case, just sleep), do our brains decide that, "No, there are more important things to do right now. Sleep is very low on the priority list!" I have a friend who suffers from chronic insomnia for this very reason. His brain is way too active! So I decided to look into techniques to make you fall asleep. Counting sheep is out. My brain is like "1-2-3-4....hang on, what kind of sheep are they supposed to be? How high can a sheep jump? Am I making the fence too high? And what kind of fence is it supposed to be? If it's a picket fence, will they impale themselves? And when do sheep jump over fences? In winter, or summer? Should it be day or night?" And so on. Oddly enough, reading has been put forth as a way to gear your brain down and prepare for sleep. So I am on the right track. A glass of warm milk before bedtime has also been suggested, but if you're lactose intolerant, then you are screwed. All I know is that reading works for me, every time. So if you are suffering from overactive brain, curl up with a good read....

To the Polls Once More!

My lovely companion recently decided to enter our little angel in a baby competition. All of our friends and family have made comments along the lines of "You should lock yourselves in a room and just make babies, because you make beautiful babies!" Well, I can see their point:

So once again I humbly ask that you would vote for my cause. It is quite simple, painless, won't subscribe you to a monthly, weekly or daily thing where you get cute pictures or pithy sayings and won't use your vote to spam you with baby products. Please click on the link below and cast your vote. And as always, I will be ridiculously grateful!

Vote for our little angel here!

Sunlight

The other day I had a thought (something that happens to me when I least expect it). Everyone is on the global warming bandwagon. We are supposed to plant more trees and eat grass. Cows have become public enemy number one. In a recent study it was determined that the most greenhouse gases come from the rear end of cows. Yes, farting cows are destroying the planet!

In my opinion, that's just one more reason to eat meat! Save the planet! Have a steak! There has also been talk that pollution is contributing to global warming, and while I can understand the reasoning, I think all the scientists out there are missing one simple fact....the reason that the planet is gradually getting warmer, the reason that the polar ice caps are melting (time to stock up on inflatable pool chairs) is simply this, the sun is expanding.

Not as dramatic as most people would like, I know. But think about it. Our sun is classified as a yellow dwarf star. But that's not how it's going to stay. Because of many complicated (and highly nuclear) things that are happening inside the sun, it is slowly but surely evolving into a red giant star. Now before you run screaming to the supermarket for 1000 SPF sunscreen, I have been assured that this change actually takes a while. 5.4 billion years, to be exact. So you definitely have time to finish reading this post!

While I agree that humans aren't exactly the best at nurturing the planet, I do believe that thinking about this simple fact will put a few minds at ease. So for now, enjoy a beautiful sunrise, or marvel at a breathtaking sunset. Enjoy the sunlight on your face and the wind in your hair. The sun isn't going to kill us all just yet.....