Parenthood

There is a chill in the air. Autumn is heading to South Africa. And apparently there is something in the water, as most of my female friends and acquaintances are pregnant. Normally this wouldn't concern me, but a while back, while calling a medical aid provider for a quote, they took me through a checklist to see if I qualify. One of the questions that the call center agent asked me is whether I am currently, or have recently been, pregnant. I should explain that no-one who hears my voice can doubt that I am of the male persuasion, so this question caught me off guard. Just now it is an actual thing! What if I get pregnant too?!

As a parent of an almost 4 year old I can confirm that parenthood is wonderful! It is probably one of the most blessed and exciting experiences that you can have. So I wish all my female friends the best with their pregnancies. But that got me thinking. Pregnancy and parenthood is depicted rather strangely in the media, and I thought I'd share these "totally accurate" depictions with you.

Anybody who has ever had to change a baby/toddler's diaper knows that it is like trying to restrain Jean Claude van Damme when he is hopped up on caffeine. You are trying not to have poop fly everywhere while getting more body blows than someone squaring up to Mike Tyson. So why would they design something that enables the toddler to kick all the stuffing out of your boobs?

Right, so Susan (not her real name) here is letting her kid, who is at an age where they have the coordination of a giraffe on meth, stand on a rickety stool while watching her prepare a meal. Possibly with sharp utensils. And why on earth are they both in white? That is arguably the worst color to dress a toddler in! The kid is also in easy reach of all the crockery and fruit out of which she can take bites without you noticing and then put it back.

There are lots of fun activities that you can do as a family while on vacation. You can go swimming if you are near a body of water, you can take in the local sights and sounds, and if you are in an exotic location, the culture as well. So why would you lie in bed all dreamily staring at your suitcase? Something tells me they drank the water after repeatedly being told not to.

Right, every parent on the planet knows that this is the worst position to have your baby in. It is not bad for the baby, but I bet you two seconds after this picture was taken, the lady so lovingly kissing the baby was covered in half-digested baby formula.

Your eyes lock from across the room. She gives you a look that is pure heat. You can feel your temperature rising as she drops another play block into the bucket. Wait, what? Let's face it, nothing says sexy like sitting on the floor in evening wear picking up toy bricks.

Spending time with our kids are some of the most cherished moments we will ever have. But spending time with your kids while half-dressed and sitting in a field? I'm not so sure about that. Maybe she forgot her pants because she hasn't slept in two days.

One of my absolute favourites, this one. Having kids sitting next to an open fire on a highly flammable fake fur rug while roasting marshmallows that will shortly be dripping sticky goo everywhere. And there is absolutely no chance of the three of them rough-housing and someone being shoved face-first into the fireplace.

I have to admit, I am not the only one making fun of this phenomenon. The lovely people over at "It's Like They Know Us" served as the inspiration for this post. You can find their site here. Whether you are a parent, or whether you do not have kids yet, I urge you to go and check them out. It will be well worth it!