News Flash!

I enjoy staying up to date on current affairs. That usually includes perusing our local news sites for the latest updates. Every now and then though, a local politician decides to hold a press conference about a pressing issue, and makes a complete fool of him/herself.

 

A short while ago our Minister for Water and Sanitation announced that the reason our water levels remain critically low is because people are stealing our water from the dams. They haven't managed to catch these people because they probably do it at night when no-one's looking. Anyone who has information on these criminals are urged to come forward.

Then, in another cringe-worthy press conference, our Minister for Health said that the major cause of cancer and stroke in South Africa is the doggy style position. He said that after three years of arduous research it was found that the high pumping of blood during sex, when one is kneeling or standing, overloads the veins in the legs which ultimately causes stroke.

The latest article that caught my attention was a press conference held by Zimbabwean first lady Grace Mugabe in which she stated that girls have a much higher chance of getting pregnant than their male counterparts, and thus should take extra precautions during sex. “Girls have a higher chance of falling pregnant than boys. If you look at the statistics, girls have nearly 100% chance of getting pregnant, while boys have nearly zero chances of falling pregnant. This means girls have to be extra extra vigilant”, she said.

Why do we even bother having comedians in Southern and Central Africa? Clearly they are outclassed by our political figures! No wonder the world thinks we are a joke....