Greatness Awaits! Hah!

I've been a fan of the Sony Playstation since the very first iteration. Ah yes, the glorious days where the pixels were the size of VW Beetles and the loading times moved at a glacial pace, but you didn't care. And each time a new Playstation is announced I get excited. Now I will have more performance and the graphics won't look like the fever dreams of a concussed glue addict. Needless to say when the Playstation 4 came out I was ecstatic! I carefully saved up until I had enough to take the plunge and get mine. And it was......well, confusing.....

Let me explain. With the Playstation 3 you could plug it in, boot it up, configure a few settings and be playing your first game within 5 minutes. Not so with the 4. I booted it up and was greeted by the kind of background music usually reserved for most Swedish Spas. Thankfully you have the option of turning the music off, which then lessens your sudden craving for a massage. Then I had to go through a myriad of settings that had to be configured, with the Playstation also constantly informing me that it wants an internet connection. Included with my PS4 was a camera which I set up when I initially unpacked the system. Now, keep in mind that I live in South Africa, a place that doesn't have the Spring season. We go directly from Winter into Summer. No in-between. It's like walking between two rooms and the one has icicles hanging from the ceiling and the next is somewhere in Mordor. So needless to say I was in a state of undress while setting up my Playstation. It suddenly decided to activate its facial recognition software in order to finalise my user profile and I was presented with a shot of my genitals in full 1080p HD. That was rather unsettling. It then further informed me that I had to brighten my room as it couldn't find my face. (I have to clarify that I was standing in front of it at this point because the controller was plugged in and charging, so I was not seated on my couch.) I proceeded with a type of limbo dance where I was bent at the knees and leaning backwards because the PS4 kept saying I was too close to the camera. Eventually it found the right distance and then told me to perform certain movements with my head so that it could capture my face at various angles. After about 5 minutes of repeated attempts, I half expect the PS4 to just give up and use the genital shot instead. But finally, through perseverance and much straining (on my part), it was satisfied.

Then I decided to play a DVD on it, and again it demanded an internet connection, which took about 10 minutes to set up because it kept telling me to re-enter the WiFi password. So, in summary, I managed to get my new Playstation 4 set up and working, but it took longer than most advanced math tests. I don't want to do higher level calculus, I just want to play a game! At least if I ever decide to shave off my beard and the PS4 doesn't recognise me I know I can just drop my pants and it will know exactly who I am......