The Inevitable Event

I think we've all been there; you get this strange tickle in your throat and you think nothing of it. Then it becomes a scratchy feeling and eventually you have to face the facts.....you have a cold. You try to carry on with life as normal, but you have about as much energy as a hibernating sloth, your head is filled with more goo than a Ghostbusters movie and your voice sounds like you are about to make someone an offer they can't refuse.....well, when you aren't coughing or sneezing on them.

Today I was sitting in a meeting with a supplier when my cold medicine rudely decided to wear off. My first indication was a slight tickling sensation in my nose, announcing the imminent arrival of something which would require a tissue or handkerchief to dispose of. None of which I had handy at the time. Now I am pretty sure we have all had to deal with this situation. And you probably tried dealing with it in the same way I did. You give a very subtle tentative sniff, just to see if you can persuade the approaching stream to head back in the other direction. When this fails you try with a bit more force, only to realise that this doesn't have the desired effect either. With the stream now about to make an appearance at the entrance to your left nostril, you give a mighty sniff which sounds like a Hoover sucking on a wet gym sock before giving up and excusing yourself from the meeting to go and blow your now dripping nose.

I am convinced that pharmaceutical companies have long ago discovered the cure for the common cold. It's been around for so long that, if they haven't found a cure, then clearly they are all napping instead of working. They probably make more money out of the various medicines that deal with the symptoms than they would actually curing the common cold. Either that or they find random attempts at vacuum cleaner impersonations during meetings extremely amusing......

Kids!

I recently read an article titled "Signs that You're the Parent of a Toddler". While reading this article I found that they mentioned some very profound truths, some of which I will share with you below:

1. You keep watching Paw Patrol long after your toddler has grown bored with the episode and has wandered off because you want to see if they rescue the baby turtles.
2. You cannot figure out how a child that small can have more energy than a nuclear reactor.
3. Silence is no longer golden, it is suspicious!
4. You come up with a cute action, game or phrase to entertain your toddler and then you have to do it at least 3000 times more because stopping causes Armageddon.
5. You almost throw a party when your kid agrees to something, because "No!" is the default answer to all questions.
6. You can sing along to the theme tunes of children shows like Sophia the First and Bubble Guppies.
7. You find yourself with said theme tunes stuck in your head daily.
8. You try not to use any Tupperware containers because they have been converted into toys.
9. All of your belongings actually belong to your toddler. You are just the steward.
10. You automatically tell your toddler not to pull the cat's tail, even if said cat is a stuffed toy.
11. Your car contains more toys than Toys R Us.
12. Whenever your toddler finally takes a nap, you relax until the dog barks, which then causes you to storm out of the house and silence the dog in hushed yet frantic tones in case you yourself wake up your toddler again.
13. A kid crying immediately attracts your attention, even if the kid is not your own.
14. You have come to the realization that kids can fit anything in anywhere.
15. And you wouldn't trade any of the above for the world!

Show Me the Money....er....Movie!

Who doesn't enjoy curling up on the couch in front of the TV for a good DVD? You have the popcorn ready, the lighting set just so, drink in hand, everything is in readiness. And by the time you have gone through all the useless disclaimers and warnings and skipped through two million coming attractions and actually get to the main menu, half the popcorn is gone, your toddler has wandered off out of boredom and you have to get up to fetch another drink, this time possibly alcoholic.

Why do the companies that put together DVDs do this? Why do I need to sit through warnings about the illegality of pirating DVDs, or where the particular DVD can be watched (apparently oil rigs are a no-no), or FBI warnings, or warnings about global warming or Ebola or Justin Bieber's latest single? I just want to watch the movie that I have legally purchased, for crying out loud! I collect DVDs so that I will have the movie that I am interested in readily available to watch at any time. I don't need previews of coming attractions! It is just not relevant! Most of the time I attempt some serious button mashing in order to skip said attractions anyway.

Disney DVDs are the absolute worst! My two year old wants to watch a specific Disney movie or cartoon series. So I put the DVD in and get the Disney logo and some warnings about copyright and the dangers of sniffing glue, and then some really cheerful guy informs you that this DVD has been "enhanced" (Ha! Yeah right!) with Disney's Fastplay. What this means is that if you do not press a button at a certain time, your toddler will have to sit through at least 5 previews of Disney movies that came out when you were their age. By that time you have a full scale riot on your hands! Your kid is now convinced that you do not have its best interest at heart and is pelting you with Legos. If you do manage to skip the Fastplay option, you get to the main menu where you triumphantly press the Play Movie button. And then you have to endure more Lego bombardment as yet more warnings about copyright and prostitution appear on the screen. By the time the movie actually starts, your kid is extremely frustrated and you have more bruises than someone who kicked a lion. Not to mention the fact that you will be sneezing out pink Lego blocks for a week!

I can understand adverts for everything from insurance to new cars when you are sitting in the cinema, as this generates revenue. Coming attractions also make sense in this setup, and is actually one of my favourite parts of the movie experience. But when I am at home attempting to watch a DVD that I have purchased, then I am not interested in ads or coming attractions. For crying out loud, just SHOW ME THE MOVIE!