But Why is the Rum Gone

So a while back I was sitting with a friend of mine while we were attempting to survive the horror game Alien Isolation. (You can read about that particular terrifying game here) Because a game as bladder-leakingly scary as that has a rather bad effect on ones nerves, some alcoholic refreshment was called for. So I had a brandy and cola. And then about an hour later I had a blinding headache. A short time after that, I decided that I hadn't had a good rum and cola in a while, so I had some dark rum with Coke. And once again, a blinding headache ensued. Even fruitcake and chocolate containing rum has me clutching my head and groaning softly shortly after consumption.

I discussed this rather uncomfortable phenomenon with a colleague of mine, one who is well versed and very skilled in the consumption of large amounts of alcohol, and he suggested that I do an experiment. I should try drinking clear liquors like vodka or gin, and then report back to him. That night I poured myself a double gin and tonic, sipped it down, and lo and behold, no headache. I tried a vodka martini or two, same result, once again there was a remarkable lack of headache. The next day after listening to my astounding results, he nodded his head sagely and proclaimed that my body did not like dark liquors. Beverages like brandy and rum should henceforth be eliminated from my alcoholic intake. Who knew this was even possible! I always believed that alcohol was alcohol. At least no-one will ever be able to ask me a very important question.........But why is the rum gone?!

New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of the year again. Everyone is relaxed after the Christmas season. It is a new year, filled with fresh promise and new opportunities! And it is also the time of year that we lie to ourselves like no other time! Common lies include "I'm going to quit smoking" or "I'm going to be healthy, I'm only going to eat salad and muesli" or "I'm going back to the gym so that I can lose weight and look like Hugh Jackman".

But then, somewhere around June, we realise that we are still puffing away, still eating cheeseburgers with extra everything and we still look like the bastard child of the Oros Man. The only exercise we get is going to the fridge for another beer!

Why do we lie to ourselves like this? Why do we keep setting goals that we never ever attempt to reach? Is it that we don't have the time? Maybe we are not motivated enough. Or maybe that couch is just so damn comfortable! "This won't happen if I get a personal trainer" you say. But yes, it will. You will show up diligently for one week, maybe two if the trainer is of the opposite sex and really cute, but eventually you'll stop altogether. So I suggest a personal trainer that won't take no for an answer, one that will show up at your house and drag you to the gym. One that will appear behind you in every mirror you look into.

Yes, Chuck Norris. This is a man that can play tennis against a wall, and the wall will lose. A man that can have a staring contest with the sun, and the sun will blink first. A man that can shoot down airplanes by pointing a finger at them and yelling "Bang!" So if anyone can get us to keep our promises this year, it is Chuck Norris! No matter where you hide, he will find you. No matter the excuse, he will roundhouse kick it out of you. And when he's done with you, you will have abs of steel, pectorals that can move mountains and a beard that can stop bullets! You will also talk with a cowboy accent and have the irresistible urge to kick people in the face. Okay, maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.......