Some Like It Hot!

I am not referring to Marilyn in a cleavage bearing dress. No, I am talking about spicy food. I am partial to a bit of a sting every once in a while, and I used to think that I could handle spicy food. Apparently I was sorely mistaken! Sitting at a local restaurant that specialises in various chicken dishes, I made the mistake of ordering hot chicken livers. My lovely companion ordered the mild variety, took a bite and then declared that they may have switched our dishes, because it was really hot! I tasted hers and realised that yes, it was quite hot. So just to check, I tasted mine, with the following results:

My taste buds shut down out of pure survival instinct, my eyes were watering so much that it probably looked like I just came through some devastating personal loss and was sobbing my heart out, my face was red and I was gasping for breath! This wasn't food, this was pain on a plate! I ordered water, milk, cold drink....anything just to try and douse the intense burning in my mouth. I would've even gone for week old dishwater if I thought that would help. Later, after the burning had (finally) subsided and I was able to speak coherently again, I noticed that they even advertised an Extra Hot option. I assume that if you order the extra hot, they bring you a disclaimer form first stating that you will not sue them for eating something that might just kill you. Then they would probably bring it to you while wearing a fireproof suit, taking care not to jostle the plate too much lest it explode and take out a city block. In my personal opinion, their menu should state the following:

• Mild
• Hot
• Cruel and Unusual

 Never again will I make that mistake! Even now the thought of eating that again makes me break out in a sweat and causes me to whimper involuntarily. I even have friends who do food so hot that it could melt steel quite regularly, who refuse to eat the extra hot option. Once they bring it to your table, I am convinced it would look something like this:

Now when people ask me if I eat spicy food I wet myself and run away screaming, just to be on the safe side. The old adage of "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is completely incorrect. I have found an even more furious hell at a local chicken place.....