Lassie: The Fall of Timmy

As the winter winds down here in South Africa the fates decided that I should be graced with a final cold before the wintery weather subsides completely. After the onset of the usual suspects, the sore throat, fatigue and muscle pains, I took some medication in order to battle this last minute bout of the plague. So on Sunday night I decided to medicate and crawl into bed. As my beloved was not tired yet, she stayed up to watch some movies. At some point I recall half waking up and hearing the far-off sounds of the movie she was watching. It featured what sounded like explosions, gunfire and.....um.....a dog barking. Because my brain works in mysterious ways, I started automatically turning what I was hearing into this very blog post by wondering what it would be like if Michael Bay, director of films like Bad Boys, Transformers and lover of explosions, made a Lassie movie. Now some of my younger readers might not know who Lassie is. Google exists, look it up! So without further ado......

(Please read the below in your most epic movie announcer voice)

"In a small farming community somewhere in the United States of America, the Martins live a peaceful life. Little do they know that the war on terror is about to find them. After a suicide bomber blows up the town's only post office after mistaking it for something more important, the town is thrown into anarchy. In the midst of this chaos, an unlikely canine hero will arise. From Michael Bay, the award winning director who brought you Bad Boys and the travesty that was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, comes this summer blockbuster. Lassie, the brave collie that is more intelligent than anyone in the town, will have to save her masters from terrorists, bombs, the well that Timmy constantly falls into and aliens. Illegal aliens. Get ready for action, intrigue, explosions, comedy, terror, explosions, romance, thrills and more explosions! Lassie: The Fall of Timmy - the war on terror and goofy rednecks has a new hero. Rated R for Really big explosions!"