Ah Christmas time! That time of the year where no-one can do anything wrong, and there is good will and joy all round. But I have a slight problem with Christmas. My problem starts somewhere towards the middle of October, when most shops dust off their Christmas ornaments and start having Christmas specials. It's not even November yet, and you have some jolly fat guy grinning at you from every store front. In most places, if you ask parents, "would you let some old, fat guy give your kids candy and let them sit on his lap?" they would freak out and chase you around while wielding any nearby heavy object. How could I even think such a thing?! And yet it happens every year. Somehow we trust this miscellaneous old guy dressed all in red, who seems excessively happy most of the time, and has a fetish for having little kiddies clamber all over him, telling him all their desires. Am I the only one who sees this as slightly creepy?
But I digress. In November, just when you think the stores have now displayed all the Christmas items that they possess, they somehow suddenly have all their staff dressing in red and wearing Santa hats. And the specials get bigger and better! While I don't object to this blatant attempt at consumerism (hey, we have to waste our money somewhere), I do object to having it rammed down my throat every time I enter a store.
And then, the dreaded December! You know it's getting close to Christmas when you walk into a store, ready to give the aforementioned crimson-clad, jolly fat guy a right hook, and you hear Boney M's Christmas songs. Now I've never been a big Boney M fan. But for some reason when you hear their Christmas music you feel that Christmas has now finally arrived. Suddenly the jolly fat guy doesn't annoy you that much, and you feel much more inclined to get along with your fellow man. I firmly believe that Boney M's Christmas songs have some subliminal message, urging us to love one another, and more importantly, to spread the love as far as possible. Were we to view the in-store security cameras at the end of a normal December work day, we would possibly see all the employees (who have been exposed to "A Boney M Christmas" the entire day) spontaneously burst out in song and have random group hugs throughout the afternoon.
One last thing......the aforementioned jolly fat guy? Remember him? The one who just loves little kiddies on his lap? Why do we tell our kids that he will enter our homes via the chimney and leave gifts under the Christmas tree? And once again we don't mind this! Breaking and entering is usually a felony!!! You know what, I'm done with Christmas! And when we have kids one day, they shall be carefully trained to place a very strategic boot in Santa's "north pole" when he invites them onto his lap....
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