Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines

Let's face it, some jobs are just thankless and about as exciting as watching snails mate. There are a number of ways to deal with this. You can go stark raving mad from boredom or you can lighten up the situation with some humor. A prime example is being an aircraft mechanic. Not exactly glamorous. And pilots can get quite annoying to deal with, as they are the heroes in the spotlight! A while ago, airline Qantas released some of the best comments from their maintenance engineers who tried to make things a bit more humorous.

 

Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet', which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers:

Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilots: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilots: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what they're for.

Pilots: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilots: Number 3 engine missing. (not running smoothly)
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilots: Target radar hums
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilots: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.

Pilots: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

I'll end this post with a radio exchange between an Air Traffic Controller at a small Florida airport and a bored pilot who decided to liven things up a bit. On a night approach to the airport, the pilot turned off his aircraft's identification beacon and radioed the tower to request a landing.

Pilot: "Sarasota Tower, guess who!"
The controller in the tower quickly turned off all of the runway and airport lights and radioed back:
Tower: "This is Sarasota control......guess where."
Needless to say the pilot quickly reactivated his identification beacon and was given permission to land.