Cat Rap

 So, because I am weirder than a chameleon juggling paintbrushes, inspiration hits me at the weirdest moments. This morning, for example, I was browsing on Facebook and came across what I thought is an awesome picture. And because my thought processes will make most people back away slowly and look for the nearest heavy object for self defense, I started wondering what my cat would say if she ever released a rap album. And thus, just to make you question my sanity some more, I give you......Cat Attack!

 

Watching the birds fly by
I want to snatch them out of the sky
Bring them to the ground with an awesome bang
And tear into them with my razor-sharp fangs

But first I have to run around the house
Frantically chasing an imaginary mouse
Then jump onto my servant’s bed
And for absolutely no reason sit on his head

I’m a cat, yo!
I’m seriously cool!
If you don’t dig it
You are a fool!

I sleep all day
And run around all night
Loudly serenading you
With all my might

What’s this?
You’re trying to sleep?
Imma cough up a hairball
On your feet

Shedding fur
All over the place
Stealing your hair ties
And leaving no trace

You’re calling me?
Fool! I’ll ignore you!
Unless you have the can opener
Then I’ll implore you

I scratch your things
Without a care
Then cover everything
With my hair

It’s a cat’s life
And I’m king of the hill
Imma leave it there
Do with it what you will!

Writer's Block

You may have noticed the absolute deafening sound of complete and utter silence on my blog the past while. The sort of silence that is so intense that you can hear grass growing, mice farting and ants shouting. It is the sort of silence that adopts a life of its own, it becomes sentient, self-aware, has children, sends them to school, watches them get jobs and finally retires to a tropical island somewhere to eat exotic foods and drink expensive cocktails, all the while pondering the absolute silence it spawned. Yep, it is official; writer's block has hit me like a runaway bus full of hooting owls!

But surely there must be something I can write about, you say. Probably, yes. I could write about current events, but that is depressing. I could write about interesting dreams I had, but that would have you backing away slowly and calling the police. I could write about things I've experienced in my personal life, but you'd think I was writing the plot for a soapie to replace 7de Laan. I could write amusing and improbable stories about aliens visiting Earth and assessing it for first contact, but so far, after 3 posts on the subject, the aliens have declined to provide me with more information, most likely due to the fact that they decided it might not be worth it and buggered off to the Andromeda system to go look for amusement there.

For centuries writer's block has been the scourge of creative minds everywhere. It is frustrating when you are accustomed to coming up with new and amusing things to lay down on paper (electronically speaking) for your readers, only to hit a wall with the same velocity as someone walking into the kitchen for a late night snack and then tripping over the cat. Sure, there are many solutions to be found on the internet about how to break through your writer's block, but I haven't bothered to read any of them. Not for a lack of trying, mind you. I Google it and then, after looking through all the articles available, I get distracted and search for interesting ways to prepare lamb stew instead.

Never fear though, dear reader! I have not given up on the idea of writing down non-nonsensical things for your amusement and reading pleasure. But I do beg your indulgence as I try and find a way around the road block preventing my inspiration from reaching me. Most likely due to the traffic cops at said road block wanting cold drink money and a 21 piece bucket from KFC. I shall persevere and, hopefully in the near future, inspiration will find me again, like that mosquito that always knows exactly where to fly around in order to make you aware of its presence, but never close enough so you can actually swat it.