Mandalosian Star Command
Research Update - Lower Life Forms - Sub-Commander FhxlG'Tul
Subject - IGO-3 (Known to its inhabitants as Earth)
As per your command, after Sub-Servant Ntgr'Dum's disastrous mistake unleashed a deadly plague upon Earth, we shifted our focus away from studying Earth's human population and instead focused on its lower life forms. We decided to bring various species aboard for study, as studying them in their habitat was deemed too risky. Herewith the report, as requested.
Mammalian
As humans seem to enjoy interacting with these animals, we decided to focus on the domesticated varieties that share their domiciles. We first brought aboard a member of the feline species. Its collar identified it as Fluffles. It appeared to be intent on jumping onto any surface containing buttons and then lying on them, once causing the lights to go off and Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs to trip over a cable and injure his elbow. It also seemed determined to knock any loose object off of the examination table, causing yet another injury when Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs slipped on a fallen beaker and bruised his knee. We determined that they enjoy physical affection such as stroking the head and back, but Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs terminated the examination after attempting to stroke its belly and requiring multiple stitches afterwards.
We next brought aboard a large canine, identified as Brutus. Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs had to use an aerosolized sedation agent after the canine chased him onto an examination table. After it was deemed that the canine was adequately calm the examination could proceed. As with the felines, the canine enjoyed physical affection, but unlike the felines it actually enjoyed getting its belly stroked. We had to end the examination earlier than planned because the canine urinated on a power relay, disrupting primary power and leaving us without artificial gravity for a time.
Next we focused on a small animal that we located on the Southern portion of a continent the humans refer to as Africa. According to their records it is called a Honey Badger, which seemed to indicate it is a docile animal. Unfortunately this information seems to be incorrect as it was extremely irate upon arrival and not even the aerosolized sedation agent could calm it. Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs attempted to restrain it but was chased around the examination room and finally terminated the examination after it ate one of the probes and gnawed the leg off of one of the chairs.
Reptilian
After the encounter with the Honey Badger, it was decided to rather focus on reptilians. We managed to bring aboard many samples of small reptilian creatures, one of which even had the ability to change its colour. After that success Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs decided to bring aboard one of the larger ones, referred to by the humans as crocodiles. On Earth they seem to spend most of their time either basking in the sun or lying submerged in rivers, so based on that observation we believed it to be relatively easy to control. Unfortunately it too was rather irate after being brought aboard and chased Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs around the examination room. The decision was made to rather return it to its environment.
Avian
We decided to rather focus on Earth's avian species after this. We brought aboard what the humans refer to as a parrot, as we have observed the humans keeping them as companions. We were amazed by its ability to mimic speech and it even managed to learn a few of our phrases, which will no doubt confuse its owners upon its return. Unfortunately Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs also discovered its tendency to bite after it clamped onto his finger, causing him to teach it a few more choice phrases which will not be included in this report. As we have had little success with wild varieties of Earth's animal population, it was decided not to bring any wild avians aboard.
Aquatic
Humans also tend to keep some aquatic species as companions, so we focused on bringing aboard what they refer to as goldfish. This unfortunately led to some tragic incidents as the first one died shortly after arrival. It was determined that the water temperature in our test tank was too cold. The temperature was raised but the next one died after being brought aboard as the temperature was now too warm. After finding a suitable temperature, we brought yet another goldfish aboard, but it died as well. We determined that it was because it was not fed. So we brought another one aboard and fed it, but it died due to being fed too much. After these incidents Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs was heard exclaiming about changing careers to something less tasking, such as administration. After we calmed him down we managed to finally bring aboard a goldfish that stayed alive and we were able to take appropriate readings. Unfortunately, after returning it to Earth, it died.
Conclusion
After these various experiments it was decided to rather cease further study of Earth animals for the time being. This is partly due to the difficulties in handling them and partly due to Research Assistant Vrf'Emcs's locking himself in his quarters and getting intoxicated. As he is currently our only researcher on board, we have decided to let him recuperate until he feels up to continuing his research. As always, I await your further instructions.
