For Jacaranda FM news, I am TinaWifflesniffer.
The number of new Covid 19 infections are rising. Yesterday around 394 247 people tested positive, the Department of Health has advised that the staggering amount of new infections is the result of the new OmicronDeltaChocNutWaffle variant. The ANC has advised that the fourth wave will arrive as soon as the funds have cleared in their account.
In politics, Jacob Zuma has been released from prison for the fourth time on medical parole. Doctors have advised that the former president is suffering from iron deficiency due to not being able to use his 3 iron on his local golf course. His condition is being closely monitored by all the people that he still owes money to.
The N1 highway between Midrand and Centurion had to be closed today after a taxi rolled over. It is believed that a front tyre burst, causing the driver to lose control of the vehicle. All 194 occupants were killed.
Areas of Tshwane were left without power today. Cable theft has been identified as the cause. The municipality has advised that it has requested that its workers please return the cable that was taken, otherwise they will not be getting a Christmas bonus.
Eskom has announced that it needs to implement stage 4 load shedding due to the number of Christmas lights across the country straining its infrastructure. They have asked the public to please refrain from putting up more lights and to use electricity sparingly. When asked for comment, Eskom CEO Andre de Ruyter was unavailable as he was already at his holiday home in Spain.
The EFF has called on its members to boycott Clicks stores because shampoo manufacturer Body-on-Tap has released a new line of shampoos in white bottles. EFF leader Julius Malema has said that the decision to use white bottles instead of black bottles shows clear racism and that the EFF will do everything in its power to prevent the sale of Body-on-Tap shampoo. When asked for comment, DA leader John Steenhuisen said that the DA will fight the EFF's boycott of Body-on-Tap shampoo as he uses it on a daily basis.
A cash in transit heist in Sandton was foiled today after the driver of the cash in transit van, a Mr Rambo McBadAss, ran the hijackers' vehicle off the road and then opened fire on them with a machine gun. His partner then threw a grenade into the hijackers' vehicle, causing the petrol tank to explode. Members of the public filmed the scene and uploaded it to YouTube where it trended immediately and caused American film director Michael Bay to contact Mr McBadAss and offer him a role in his newest blockbuster, Transformers 17 - Rust Happens.
An increase in the price of petrol has been announced. On the 1st of January the petrol price will rise by R47.52. This is due to an increase in international oil prices and the fact that SARS wants to milk taxpayers some more.
In celebrity news, Prince Harry and his American wife, Meghan Markle, have expressed a desire to rejoin the British Royal Family. This decision comes 2 years after the couple decided to leave the British Royal Family in order to stay out of the spotlight, by being in the spotlight every chance they got. When asked about the decision to return, Prince Harry explained: "One morning Meghan expressed a desire to cook me breakfast in bed. After an hour of lying in bed listening to her swearing, crying and breaking things, she finally located the kitchen. Two hours after that she returned with our breakfast. The crumpets were bloody awful! In short, I miss the Royal Chef Gerald's cooking and so the decision was made to rejoin my family."
In your sports news, Bafana Bafana recently beat Brazil 4 - 0 before being told to turn off their Playstation and report for their game against Ghana. Ghana beat Bafana Bafana 47 - 1. At 70 minutes the Ghana players became bored and decided to go and watch a movie, leaving only their goalkeeper behind. Bafana Bafana's only goal of the game came after Ghana's goalkeeper fell asleep.
In rugby news, the All Blacks recently announced a new haka. All Blacks Head Coach Ian Forster was quoted as saying: "We want to show our support in the war against racism by including cultural dances from across the world in our haka. As such the new haka will include ballroom, ballet and hip hop dance moves, among others." The new haka is said to be around 20 minutes long.
In your weather, Gauteng will be partly cloudy with a 50% chance for thunderstorms. Or not, we really don't know. The Free State is expected to be sunny and warm with maximum temperatures of 35 degrees, which means in all likelihood it will be raining the entire day. Durban will be fantastic, as usual, until the Gautengers all get there, then it will rain the entire time. Cape Town will be sunny and warm, except for the ocean temperatures which will be so cold that even the fish avoid it.
And that was your news at 4. News headlines will follow at 4:30, once I've reapplied my makeup and flirted outrageously with the director.
