Let's face it, 2020 will go down in history as the year most people would like to forget. There were too many catastrophes to name, but the biggest was undoubtedly the Covid-19 epidemic. Killing millions, forcing entire countries to shut down, calling it unpleasant was like saying Atlantis had a water problem. Thousands of people lost their income and many businesses had to close down. One of those businesses was my beloved and I's favourite watering hole. So after lockdown ended, and after the appropriate period of mourning, we decided to try out the pub that had opened in its place. And boy, were we in for an interesting experience!
After we settled at our table and ordered some drinks, we noticed a couple at the adjacent table gazing longingly into each other's eyes while talking softly and holding hands. And because it was a pub, the fact that they were slightly inebriated wasn't really that surprising. Because our waiter was under the impression that service is something that happens to other people and not actually something he was supposed to provide, we had ample time to observe this loving couple getting more and more excited about the prospect of being in each other's company.
After a while the lady decided that sitting opposite the object of her affection was so 5 minutes ago and moved onto the bench next to her squeeze. There they continued with their soft talking and gazing deep into each other's eyes. At that point our waiter suddenly came to the shocking realization that he should probably ask us what we'd like to eat and appeared at our table. After we placed our orders and the waiter scurried away to presumably ignore us some more, we were shocked to see that the lady at the table next to us had stopped being affectionate and was now softly sobbing, with the guy trying to console her. By this time, most of the other patrons of the restaurant had started giving this couple's table sneak peeks.
My beloved and I left them to their drama and conversation carried on as normal for a while. At some point movement at the couple's table caught my eye and lo, merriment had been restored. They were once again laughing and the quest to find hidden meaning in their partner's eyes had resumed. It would have been fine if that is where it stayed, but either their drinks were amazing or the atmosphere just sparked a fire in their loins because they started passionately exploring each other's tonsils. Now this in itself is a bit awkward, but when she then started fondling his goods through his trousers, and he stuck his hand into her trousers in order to better explore its contents, it became downright weird. This mutual genital exploration got even more heated when, without even coming up for air, she climbed onto his lap. By this time people had stopped eating and were outright staring. Some were even filming this bizarre display of what can only be called clothed copulation.
This went on for a few minutes until they realized that this would probably be the furthest that they could go in a restaurant full of staring people and they thankfully requested the bill. Every eye in the establishment followed them as they made their way to the door in an unsteady fashion, her because she had had quite a bit to drink and him because his trousers were not quite fitting anymore. They were even under surveillance as they made their way to their cars, still groping each other. Thankfully after they had driven off, things finally returned to normal. As dining experiences go, this one will probably not be quickly forgotten......
