Restart Required

This morning I had to install a content management system for the company I work at. And the installation, though lengthy, went well. Upon attempting to launch the application I was informed that I needed to restart my computer. Alright, annoying but I suppose necessary. So I restarted my computer. Then, after the restart, I try and launch the application only for it to inform me that it can't connect to its database. Nowhere during the installation did it tell me that it had a burning desire to connect to a database, so one was not installed. After a bit of grumbling I installed database software, only for my PC to once again inform me that a restart was required in order for certain files to become available. I was quite annoyed at this point but gave a deep sigh and once again restarted my computer. After the restart the database application still failed to install, and after some creative Googling I found the issue. After fixing the issue and attempting to install the database application, it again wanted a restart.

My question is this, why does Microsoft even want us to use computers if all they do is constantly restart your computer?! You install updates, you have to restart. You install an application, you have to restart. Your PC is misbehaving, you have to restart. North Korea tests a nuclear weapon, you have to restart. It is enough to drive one absolutely crazy! But that got me wondering, couldn't we apply Microsoft's problem solving solution to every day things? For example, your Government is corrupt, reset the Government. Makes sense to me! Maybe IT guys should be making decisions, we would get a lot more done!

Bathroom Break

So I was having lunch with my dad, his fiance, my uncle and his girlfriend on Sunday and a good time was had by all. At some point I decided to answer nature's call. Upon finishing my ablutions and trying to exit the bathroom, I realised that the key had broken in the lock and the door would not open. Being a man I tried all sorts of ways to get the door open before finally realising that I will need to call in reinforcements. Imagine my dad's surprise when he received a phone call from me from within the bathroom. When I explained my situation it was met with much hilarity and the entire family congregated outside the bathroom door to offer comment or reassurance.

The first step was to see if there was a spare key, but alas, no such luck. So a wide variety of tools was handed to me through the bathroom window. The plan was to remove the door itself. So I valiantly set to work trying to get the pins out of the hinges. Unfortunately the first pin was quite comfortable where it was and resisted my efforts at removal. But, with great determination, effort and a desire to not remain in the bathroom for the rest of the day, I managed to finally convince the offending pin to relocate. It should be said that, at this point, my family members were all congregated outside the bathroom window, providing commentary and advice. I secretly wondered what the neighbours would think were they to peek over the wall.

After the removal of the first pin the second one gave up without a fight, probably not wishing to endure the same treatment that I had given the first one. Unfortunately the door remained resolutely in place, even after some well-placed kicks from the other side. I decided to wash the dust and grime off of my hands and had just turned to the sink when the bathroom door suddenly landed right on top of me. It turns out that my dad's fiance, in her best Hollywood cop persona, had taken a run-up and flung her full weight against the door. Like any criminal faced with Hollywood justice, the door gave up immediately.

After crawling out from under the door I removed the lock and we put the door back on its hinges. After testing to see that the door could open and close (this time from outside of the bathroom) we could once again settle down for some coffee and biscuits. This was definitely not the quiet Sunday that I had imagined I would have! In future, when nature calls, I think I will just quietly slip into the garden and go seek a tree......

We are the Bored

During the festive season my neighbours went somewhere with lots of sun, sand and waves. That left their Jack Russel to sit around all day being extremely bored. While the entertainment of a dog does not rank high on many people's lists, it became a priority of mine when said dog decided to yap for absolutely no reason in an effort to a) entertain itself, b) drive me completely insane, c) all of the above. I eventually resorted to buying the bored canine dog toys and chewy treats just to shut it up. Alas, I did not succeed. But that got me thinking, what other ways do people have to beat the boredom? I found a list of ways in which people entertain themselves while bored at the office and thought I would share it with you. Who knows, it just might inspire you!

1. "When I am bored at work I make lightsaber noises with my pen. Today I got caught."

2. "Sometimes when I am bored at work I will speak to people in a really high voice while maintaining a straight face, just to amuse myself."

3. "Whenever I am bored at work I think of ways to break into the office if I ever get locked out."

4. "When I am really bored at work I start narrating everything I am doing in a game show announcer voice in my head."

5. "When I am really bored at work I like to write 'I'm watching you' on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people."

6. "Sometimes when I am bored at work I sit and cut my split ends one hair at a time."

7. "I practice my signature for hours on end when I get bored at work."

8. "Sometimes when I am bored at work I will just sit and stare at myself in the mirror."

9. "When I am bored at work I will try and see how much water I can fit in my mouth from the water cooler."

10. "Sometimes at work when I get bored, I will use the office supplies for arts and crafts."

11. "Sometimes when I get really bored at work I will change my desktop theme to places around the world and flip through the pictures and pretend I am traveling the world."

12. "When I am bored at work I write resignation letters because even though I can't afford to quit, it makes me feel better to pretend that I can."

13. "I'm the guy at work that bends up all the paper clips when I get bored. My coworkers are starting a witch hunt to find the person who is wasting office supplies."

14. "I'm not normally one to take selfies, but when I am alone and bored at work I suddenly become a supermodel."

15. "I engage my boss in idle chit-chat when I get bored at work because I know he will just keep going on for at least an hour if I let him."

16. "When I get bored at work I move stuff around to confuse people."

17. "When I am bored at work I dial random extensions and if they answer I yell 'Get off the phone! Get back to work!"

18. "Sometimes when I am bored at work I read smutty fan fiction in my cubicle."