The Land Down Under

While browsing through my favourite news sites this morning I came across an article about a juvenile Port Jackson shark found in a roadside puddle in Australia. The story goes that a member of the public was driving along a road in the town of One Tree Hill, Australia, when they spotted something thrashing about in a puddle. Upon investigation it turned out to be a small shark. Local authorities were baffled. I, on the other hand, wouldn't be. This is Australia we're talking about after all.

This is a land filled with many strange and wonderful creatures, most of which will be actively trying to kill you. James May, former host of Top Gear once said "It's terrible, it's too hot and it's full of spiders." Famed fantasy author Terry Pratchett even wrote a parody about Australia in his Discworld novel The Last Continent. At some point when the character of Death requests a book about the dangerous animals that exists there he is bombarded with a large pile of books consisting of the various volumes of "Dangerous Mammals, Reptiles, Amphibians, Birds, Fish, Jellyfish, Insects, Spiders, Crustaceans, Grasses, Trees, Mosses and Lichens of Terror Incognita", the total books going up to Volume 29C Part 3, while a request for information about the harmless creatures merely produces a note saying "Some of the sheep".

There are some creatures living in Australia that make no sense whatsoever. Let's take the duck-billed platypus. Here is an amphibious creature with the bill of a duck, the feet of an otter and the tail of a beaver. It classifies as a mammal, but it lays eggs. And it has venomous spurs on it hind legs. Then there is the kangaroo. A large animal that hops around and turns into the Jean-Claude van Damme of the animal world when you get too close to it. Australia is also home to massive crocodiles, the occasional firestorm and many, many spiders. And just to make things even more outrageous, not too long ago Australia had Spider Rain, where millions of spiders fell out of the sky, their webs blanketing the landscape. Does this sound implausible? Well, click here to be redirected to the article. And just in case you need another reason never to go there, here is what those millions of tiny spiders look like when they are all grown up.....

The Truth in Advertising

The other day I was browsing around on a site that sells new and used cars. Eventually I found myself admiring a convertible version of the new Ford Mustang. But among the usual features like air conditioning, power steering and anti-lock braking, some rocket scientist added "sunroof". Now, I am pretty sure that when you put the roof down, yes, you will have sun. But I don't quite think he knew what a sunroof actually is. Then, in another classified section, I saw an advert for a matric farewell dress. The picture showed a smiling girl wearing said lovely dress. But the description said "never been worn". After shaking my head at the sheer absurdity of it I decided to see what other advertising fails are out there. I was not disappointed....

We truly do live in a very strange world!

Fool's Gold

Let's face it, there is a dark evil presence in this world. One that lurks in the depths of the Internet, hunting like a shark. Every so often it will get the scent of prey and it will close in on its unsuspecting victim. Those who are ignorant or those who have been warned about this danger and are ignoring it continue to swim, blissfully unaware that a dark shape is heading electronically towards them. And like a flash it lunges at them and the result is not pretty.....

Suddenly we see the fin pop up in our inbox, promising to make us wealthy beyond the ken of mere mortals. We will stop ageing and develop massive male organs. The opposite sex will flock towards us, stripping out of their clothes as they go in order to save time. Our hair will become the stuff of legend; long and wavy. The heroes on the covers of romance novels will pale in comparison to our magnificence! We will be irresistible!

At least, that is what they claim. I honestly wonder about the sanity of people who look at these mails and think "Yes, this seems completely legitimate. I will sign up for this!" A simple test of logic will easily refute these claims. Have you ever played the UK Lottery? No? So why on earth would you suddenly have won 500 million British pounds, half the crown jewels and a date with Kate Beckinsale? Have you ever had any interaction with a Nigerian prince, or even heard of one? No? So why the hell would one be contacting you and offering you millions of dollars? It honestly makes no sense to me!

But among the multitude of swimmers there are the brave few. Those who see the fin, grab it with both hands and kick the shark dead in the face. One such fearless man is called James Veitch. He decided to do what we've all wanted to do all along......spam the spammer. And the way in which he does it is worthy of song! But I am not going to spoil it for you, have a look for yourself....