Create, Share, Rinse, Repeat!

On Friday evening I watched the latest installment of the Jurassic Park series; Jurassic World. And while I did enjoy it (who doesn't enjoy dinosaurs chasing Americans all over the place) I was left feeling a bit cheated. When Michael Crichton first wrote Jurassic Park, and its sequel The Lost World, I was immediately enamored with the idea of resurrecting dinosaurs. Who wouldn't want to see these magnificent ancient beasts up close and personal! When the first Jurassic Park movie came out, I loved it! Obviously, as per Hollywood Standard Operating Procedure, they changed quite a bit of the storyline, but the end result was still brilliant!

Unfortunately they then decided to release Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World. The novel was an absolute masterpiece, so the good folks at Hollywood decided not to keep any of it, and instead did their own thing. Which sucked. Badly. You would have thought that they would rather end it there and move on to other things. But no, they then decided it was a good idea to try for Jurassic Park 3. That was so bad that I won't spend any time elaborating on it! Obviously as a result of the massive failure of JP3, the Hollywood folks decided to try and redeem the franchise. It took them 10 years and a multitude of script rewrites before they came up with a decent plot for Jurassic World. Which brings me back to the title of this post. See if this sounds familiar:

• a dinosaur park opens, and people can go and visit it
• something goes catastrophically wrong and a dinosaur escapes
• it just happens to be the biggest, baddest one they have
• two kids happen to be in the middle of it
• they are rescued by a dinosaur expert
• the dinosaur eats many people
• the park gets shut down

This is almost a carbon copy of the plot of the first Jurassic Park! They just updated the graphics, added a few subplots here and there and cast Chris Pratt, which happens to be brilliant in just about anything. The T-Rex gets replaced with a genetically engineered super predator (oh yeah, spoiler alert) and there are still Velociraptors everywhere. This seems to be the trend these days. Hollywood is running out of ideas, and so it is just using a Xerox copier and some updated graphics to bring out new films. I guess the only thing we should be really glad about is the fact that they didn't try and reboot it......

Wax On......Wax Off!

I've been playing around with the idea of going for a wax for a while now. The only thing that was  thus far stopping me were the tales of immeasurable pain from wax survivors. I'm pretty sure if you walk through a cemetery you will happen upon one or two headstones with the following words on them:

Here lies John Simmons

 He thought he could survive a wax session

He was wrong

So naturally the idea of willingly submitting to torture made me wonder about booking a session. The premise seems right out of a horror movie; boiling hot wax slathered on the skin then left to cool slightly before being ripped off, taking hair and possibly skin right with it! Who the hell thought that this was a good idea for hair removal?! Some medieval torture master in a castle dungeon somewhere?! 

But then I heard from a few friends (who were possibly high on some sort of prescription medicine) that waxing is not that painful. And when a friend who owns a salon asked if I would volunteer for a session, I finally agreed. So we booked a session to remove some unwanted fluff from my back. Thankfully I do not fall into the gorilla category, so there wasn't too much hair to remove. But still I was quietly worried that I would make a complete fool of myself!

As I lay down on the bed I was getting extremely nervous! Especially when the wax was applied using a special roller. Then the paper strip that would be the forerunner to my suffering was applied to the wax. Visions of nuclear explosions, limbs being torn from bodies, Justin Bieber's latest album all flashed through my mind. I was about to experience all the suffering in the world! I would understand what it was like in a Vietnamese prison! With a quick yank the strip came off and.........I was slightly puzzled. I was expecting it to feel like someone had just poured lava onto my back, but no, while it did sting, it was not that bad. Maybe it was just a fluke, I thought to myself. Maybe the next one would cause me to pee myself and run away crying like a little girl. Another yank, some more stinging, but nothing that I would consider cruel and unusual. Yes, the intensity of the stinging varied depending on where on my back I was being waxed, but I still wondered why some guys turned into weeping fountains during waxing.

After the session was done and some soothing cream was applied, the redness quickly faded and my back was not all that sensitive. I do credit my friend's skill for most of this. But I also kept wondering what the fuss was about. Especially after chatting to a few guys who firmly stated that they would never submit themselves to this particular form of torture. Maybe I was just lucky, or maybe waxing isn't really that bad. We'll find out when I go back for my second session.........legs!

Are You Going To Eat That?

My family has decided to start a new tradition where each month we pick a country and we prepare dishes popular in that particular country, just to see what they are like. This filled me with excitement. "Yes, I get to experience new and interesting things!" I thought to myself. Unfortunately the first country chosen was Morocco. I am not a fan of fruit in my food. As a dessert, certainly, but not as part of the main meal. You could probably guess how I feel about pineapple on my pizza. Next on the list was Thailand, and unfortunately fruit was once more a popular ingredient. I had goji berries and plums in my chicken soup. Half the time I couldn't figure out if I'm eating a soup or drinking a lukewarm punch! But that got me thinking, what other weird and wonderful things are out there. So off I went to go ask the all-knowing Google. And now I wish I hadn't! Let me share some findings with you.

Snake Wine

This drink is very popular in China and Vietnam. Unsurprisingly. It is said to have immense restorative properties. I honestly don't think I'll ever be quite that ill! My knowledge of wine is sort of limited to red wine and white wine. If someone asks me what wine I would like I go by colour. But I am pretty sure my wine is not supposed to contain cobra!

Fried Spiders

This little gem comes to us from Cambodia, where I am pretty sure that they are smoking something highly hallucinogenic. I have never looked at a big hairy spider and thought "Hmmm, little bit of soy sauce, some light frying and you will be delicious!" No, generally when I see a large hairy spider I think "Yaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh!" and run away crying in the opposite direction!

Witchetty Grubs

Trust the Australians to also gain a spot on this list. These are large grubs from a certain species of moth, and are considered a delicacy by the Aboriginal tribes. Unfortunately they have become somewhat of a speciality dish for other folks as well which makes me wonder "Don't they have hotdogs and hamburgers there? Aren't they quite fond of sheep? Surely they don't have to eat large disgusting worms!"

Octopus

Now, I have had fried octopus, and it was quite good, but in Korea they don't even bother with all that cooking business. No, you get the octopus live. The trick is to hack off its tentacles and to eat them while they are still squirming or before your octopus escapes. I don't know about you, but this seems like a bit of a choking hazard if you ask me!

Hakarl

I wish I was joking about this but unfortunately this is all too real. It is decomposed shark. In Iceland they bury sharks and leave them to decompose in their own fluids and then cut them up into slivers and hang them up to dry. This seems a bit extreme to me! Once again, hotdogs and hamburgers people! They are out there! They exist!

Rocky Mountain Oysters

"Finally!" you exclaim. Oysters! Familiar territory at last! But no, these oysters aren't plucked from the ocean and served with Tabasco. They are, in fact, deep fried bull testicles. Just when you thought the Americans couldn't get any stranger!

Black Ivory Coffee

Who doesn't like coffee after a good meal? Especially because this coffee is hailed as some of the finest in the world. And also some of the most expensive! Expect to pay a cool $11 000 for just 1KG of Black Ivory Coffee. That seems a bit excessive, especially considering the fact that the main ingredient for this coffee is pooped out by elephants. Yep, you are drinking beans that were eaten and digested by Thai elephants, pooped out and then dug out of the resulting mound of dung, washed and used in coffee. Apparently it has quite a smooth, full taste, but I do not intend ever finding out......