The Dark Knight

Picture the following: the sound of an alarm pierces the still night, a crime is in progress. A powerful searchlight stabs the dark clouds painting the image of a gigantic bat for all to see. Somewhere in a dark cave a sleek black urban tank roars to life. The Caped Crusader is on his way! He arrives on the scene just in time to dramatically step from the shadows and punch the villain in the kidney!

The entire scene is infused with drama and action, and fear is struck into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere! But now, that got me wondering. You often see Batman emerging very dramatically from shadows in the comic books, films and animated series. But what would happen if his intended target was late, or didn't arrive? What would he do while waiting? Play Angry Birds? Check his Facebook? Imagine the following, Commissioner Gordon leaves the crime scene. Batman decides to wait for him in his office, in a conveniently dark corner so that he can emerge and share his thoughts with the chief of police. But Gordon doesn't arrive until much later. Can you just picture that conversation:
Batman: "Commissioner, I've been waiting for you."
Gordon: "GAH! How many times have I told you not to do that?! How long have you been in here?"
Batman: "About two hours or so."
Gordon: "Two hours?! What the hell have you been doing?!"
Batman: " I watered your fern and organised your stationary. I also Googled a nice quiche recipe and beat your Minesweeper score."
Gordon: "Why the hell would you do that?"
Batman: " Because.......(dramatic pause).....I'm Batman!"

I think that Batman spends a lot more time waiting around in order to make a dramatic entrance than is shown in popular media. But then, if you are Batman, who is going to argue with you?

The Rising Tide

So the other day I had a thought. (Don't look at me like that, guys can think too!) People keep complaining about rising ocean levels, terrified that it will cover pristine beaches and allow sharks to catch your poodle in the backyard. There are many theories as to why the oceans are rising. The main culprit, according to scientists, is the melting of the polar ice caps. This, they say, is because of global warming. "Ah yes, global warming", you say, nodding sagely. Yes, entirely possible. That horrible heating of the atmosphere caused by greenhouse gases, air pollution and political promises. But, as I have already explained here, they are all wrong about global warming!

After some seriously deep though, which may have included the consumption of an alcoholic beverage or two, I realised that the cause of rising sea levels is actually quite obvious......we keep putting stuff in the ocean! Think about it this way, when you fill a bathtub with water, and then get into it, the water level rises. Unless you are an anorexic supermodel, in which case it stays where it is. But when any NORMAL person gets into a tub of water, the water level rises. It is something so simple! Unfortunately I can't claim credit for this one. The ancient Greek scholar Archimedes decided to take a warm, relaxing bubble bath with some scented candles and soft music one evening. (Not entirely true but I'm using artistic license to set the scene here!) As he sank into the tub, the water level rose, spilling over onto the floor and thus accomplishing two things. One, he was struck by the realisation that the water was being displaced by his body sinking into it, and two, his wife probably started yelling at him for soaking the bathroom. He was so excited about his discovery that he exclaimed "Eureka!" and ran naked down the street, probably chased by his mop-wielding wife.

Now let's follow this thought through to its conclusion, which is that we keep putting more ships in the water, and the ships keep getting bigger and bigger. So inevitably, the water level will keep rising. Let me give you an example, the largest ship ever constructed was the Knock Nevis, now known as the Seawise Giant. This behemoth weighed close to 660 000 tons with a full cargo hold. At 458m, she was the longest ship ever constructed. She had 31 541 square meters of deck space. Now imagine what would happen if you put something of that size in the water!

There are currently countless supertankers, cargo ships, cruise liners, aircraft carriers and a wide variety of warships floating around on the oceans. And that's just on the surface! Beneath the waves we have submarines and submersibles and a few underwater research stations, not to mention the large collection of sunken wrecks scattered all over the ocean floor! If we keep adding stuff to the oceans, I'm pretty sure that one day soon taking the dog for a walk will look something like this....