The Grammar Nazis

So as an additional source of income, my lovely companion is a freelance editor for the University of Pretoria. This means that students (and sometimes lecturers) can send her their thesis for editing. This involves checking grammar, spacing, referencing and all sorts of other weird and mysterious things. And because of her thoroughness she is quite popular. Sometimes too popular! There are times where she has such a large workload that I have to step in and assist. Don't look at me like that! I am a trained proofreader, among other things! Now usually I don't mind assisting her, but there are times, like last night, when we come across a student who has heard about this thing called grammar, but doesn't really know or care how it works. Some of his sentences left us like this.....

You sense that he is trying to communicate, but you just can't figure out what he is trying to say! There are sentences that just end mid-sentence. Others have so many different thoughts crammed into one that at some point we were convinced he was gurgling with drain water or snorting baby powder.

Don't get me wrong, my lovely companion has edited for students who have written absolute masterpieces. Beautiful sentences, great ideas! In some cases it was so well written that you could easily form a picture in your mind. You could see exactly what they meant! And it is awesome! But some, like our unfortunate friend last night, leave you wondering whether they might be the Mad Hatter in disguise. When faced with such blatant disregard for the English language, there is but one facial expression that you can have when reading their work......

Recalculating

The other day my lovely companion and I looked up some directions on Google Maps. At first it was very confusing, but we finally managed to get our route planned out. But that got me thinking, are we starting to rely too much on technology? Is studying a paper map becoming a lost art? Now I've got nothing against using a GPS, but I've had more than a few rather weird experiences with them. A while back I had to go deliver a document to a Government department in another city. A city that I have never been to previously. So I thought "Not a problem, I have a GPS." After some fiddling and button pushing, and one or two colourful words, my destination was set. I told the GPS to start navigation. It promptly told me that it didn't have signal. That should have been warning sign number one. So I thought I'd drive in the general direction of the city in question and wait for the GPS to regain signal. When it finally regained its lost signal, it immediately told me to make a u-turn. On the freeway. Traveling at 120km/h. Needless to say I regarded it in the way that one would regard a person who had just sprouted a third eye while yodeling. After it realized that I wasn't going to follow its sage advice, it recalculated along the route I was driving. All went well until I reached the city, whereupon the GPS told me to make a left turn and then started recalculating. I was stunned. It had told me to turn left! And then it started rerouting! I was rather convinced that it was quite lost and wanted me to pull over so it could get its bearings again. Finally, after a minute or so, it regained its confidence and proceeded to lead me to my destination. Imagine my surprise when it proudly exclaimed that I had reached my destination, only for me to see the following....

There was absolutely nothing there! Just grass and some trees and very little else. I found myself wondering if the Government department that I was supposed to visit was underground, or invisible. Needless to say I turned around, much to the dismay of the GPS, who kept advising me to make a u-turn. After suppressing the urge to throw it out of the window, I turned it off and asked directions from a local. Less than 5 minutes later I was at my destination.

The scary thing is, I've heard of people who have driven into grasslands and even into the ocean because they blindly follow the suggestions of a device that is clearly trying to kill them. I'm convinced that the GPS gives you a false sense of security while secretly plotting your demise. So my mind has been made up, until technology improves, and until our electronic devices let go of their homicidal tendencies, I will rely on the trusty paper map!