I Didn't Quite Catch That......

I have discovered something slightly odd....when one develops a cold, people can't understand you, even though you are speaking english. It's like your congested nasal passages translates everything that comes out of your mouth into Russian. Or Ukrainian. Even though you are speaking a language that is spoken worldwide, and one that you speak every day, suddenly no-one can understand a word you are saying!

A good example would be a phone call that I had to make recently. I had to contact a call centre for product support. Unfortunately this call centre was in India, and the call centre agent's first language was not english, so I was in trouble from the opening line:

Call Centre Agent: Welcome to ***** Product Support, how may I help you?

Me: Hi, this is Adrian. I'm having issues with my ***** product. (That is what I said, but he heard "askd, haskrhahf, aioeurhasijijpanufea.)

CCA: I'm sorry Sir, please be repeating that?

Me: I said by dame ish Adrian. I'b having problems with by ***** product.

CCA: Okay Sir, what problems are you experiencing?

Me: I can't ushe the **** function. It keepsh (sniff) crashing. And when I (sniff, cough, snort) click on the (chesty cough) troubleshooting option, it (launches into coughing fit).....

CCA: I'm sorry Sir, I am not understanding the problem.

Me: I said I askrjh hfaioejnfaso fpadjkfsnajhod ap[osjkdfias!

CCA: I'm going to be putting you through to my manager Sir, please be holding....

Call cuts out

So, I got nowhere for two reasons, first I was coughing, sniffing, dying in his ear, so he was probably distracted. Second, I was doing my best to speak english but ended up just speaking snot. So his comment about putting me through to his manager was probably his excuse for dropping the call and then phoning the Centre for Disease control to report a case of Ebola.

Hopefully the cold meds will restore some semblance of spoken language to me, so that people don't look at me like I'm brain damaged when I talk. Either that or it will knock me out, leaving me drooling on my desk and thus unable to confuse people further. Seems that I just can't win!

A Day in the Life of a Baby

I woke up around 05:30 this morning and realised that I peed myself again. My lack of bladder control frustrates me, but I will master it! Decided to let Mom know I'm awake. I sent out a few verbal queues, but they went unheard, so I started kicking the crib. That achieved the desired effect. She changed my diaper and put me back in my crib with my bottle while she goes to the bathroom to stand under a mysterious stream of water that shoots from the wall. This will not do. I find that I cannot escape the crib, no matter how hard I try. After she has dressed, she puts me in my feeding chair for breakfast. I am still not sure what she's feeding me, but it's not too bad so I tolerate it. She is drinking something black that smells interesting, but refuses to share it with me. Not to worry, I'll sneak in a sip when she is not looking. I've already learned to snatch things from her plate when her attention is elsewhere, so sampling this interesting beverage is only a matter of time!

After breakfast, I am put in front of a PC with a DVD playing while Mom works. The DVD is interesting, so I don't mind too much. At some point I get bored though, and I have to let Mom know that I require alternate entertainment. She will place me in my baby gym, and I will be entertained for a short time. But I feel this is not enough. I can tolerate this on most days, but on other days I need to sit on her lap and have her undivided attention. This work thing can wait. I am quite sure that I am more important. After her work ends, we have lunch, and then it is time for my beauty sleep, or a nap, as Mom calls it. After my nap, Daddy usually comes home from work (yes, he does it too) and I bring him up to speed on the day's events.

I find it quite frustrating that my verbal communication is so ineffective. I spell things out quite clearly, but they seem not to understand a word I am saying. I've also had to modify my crying a few times in order to get their attention. I suspect I will have to stoop to their level and use the language that they use in order to communicate effectively.

I find crawling quite a challenge. It would appear that my arms and legs are determined to disobey me. I try to move forward, but almost always end up flat on my face, much to the amusement of my parents. Well, I will prove to them that I can rise to this challenge! I will be the one laughing one of these days!

Eventually, at the end of the day, after a bath and dinner, it is time to go to sleep. As I lay here in my crib, thinking through the events of today, I feel that progress is being made. And even though they frustrate me, and fail to understand a single thing I say, I find I still love both my Mommy and my Daddy......

The Cute and the Furious

Our little angel is growing up so quickly! Every day she delights us with her development. She laughs, figures things out, thinks for herself and continues to astound us with her intelligence. We love her to absolute bits, even if she does leave us a very stinky surprise every day. But last night something very different happened. At first we thought something was wrong. We had been entertaining her for about an hour or so, then we lay her down on the bed to prepare her bottle. She started screaming and flailing about. So we picked her up to check that all was well, and she was all smiles. Later when we put her down again, the same thing happened. I believe our little angel has just entered a new phase......

I have classified last night's scream as Tantrum Cry 1.0 (TM). She was......displeased about us putting her down, and let us know it in no uncertain terms! I think she was also quite frustrated about the fact that we didn't immediately catch on to the fact that she was angry at us. No, we did the new parent thing and immediately assumed something was wrong. We were convinced that something had bitten her, or her gums were bugging her, or she sensed that she lived in the same universe as Justin Bieber. Only a bit later, after some experimenting, did we realise that nothing was wrong, Her Royal Babyness just didn't want to be put to bed. I feel that the battle of the wills is starting. She will want to do what she wants to do, and we will want to do what we know is best for her. Because of her intelligence though I am convinced that she will start plotting revenge. She might drop a toy where we need to walk. In the middle of the night. Barefoot. With all the lights off. Or chew her cookies into a pulp and mash it into our bedsheets. As the saying goes "Revenge is a dish best served cold" or in her case, it might be a dish filled with baby puree that she can rub into our clothing.