Days like This

Have you ever had one of those days? A day where your alarm clock doesn't go off and the shower is stuck on either lava flow or liquid nitrogen. Where your shoelace snaps while you're tying it and your toast catches fire. Where your car grinds to a halt on the way to the office and you are catastrophically late for a very important meeting. In other words, a day where everything that can go wrong, does. And usually in spectacular fashion.

We've all had days like that! Everyone is out to get you and your boss is secretly planning your assassination. Death by paperclip. Or keyboard. It's enough to make one go absolutely batty!

People have various ways of dealing with days like this. Some smoke, standing outside puffing cigarette after cigarette in hopes of calming down. Or killing their boss with secondhand smoke inhalation. Others drink. Usually in large amounts. And usually something strong enough to make you explode if you sneeze. I don't use either of these methods. I calmly walk to my car. Close the door. Start the engine. And then crank the radio all the way up to 11! And not with Mozart or the soundtrack to the Sound of Music or Mary Poppins. No. With ROCK. And the harder, the better! I want electric guitars and smashing drums! I want my passangers' ears to bleed, and the people in the cars around me to change lanes to get away from the audio onslaught! Don't get me wrong, classical music is awesome, but nothing gets rid of frustration as quickly as doing your best KISS impersonation while barrelling down the highway.

If you've never tried this, I urge you to get yourself something hard and heavy. Something like Seether, Prime Circle or The Narrow. Get in your car, take a deep breath, turn on the radio and ROCK ON!

For those of you who have been living in a basement somewhere, or possibly in Yugoslavia, here is an example of local South African brilliance:

Vote for Change! Or not!

To all my readers, whether you loyally follow me or just happened to stumble onto my humble blog while searching Google for "Yak butter muffins" or whether you are just crawling the web looking for the person first responsible for twerking (so you can locate them and punch them in the face), my blog has been entered into the 2013 SA Blog Awards. (insert dramatic music here) By clicking the button below you will not donate any money, sign away a kidney or feed starving panda bears, you will simply bring me one step closer to the Blog Awards. And unlike all of the South African political parties desperately fighting for votes and promising everyone free housing, food and Lamborghinis, I just promise to be really, really grateful!

Merry Chri.......hey, wait a second!

I love Christmas time! It's like the world is a nicer place for a short while. Everyone is happy, you see family members that you haven't seen all year and you consume more food in one day than most people consume in a week. Then there are the presents. Colourfully wrapped, carefully picked, lovingly given. A time of family, fun and giving. In December. Not now.

I walked into a local supermarket yesterday and heard Christmas carols....

Now, while there is nothing wrong with Christmas carols, I have a bit of an issue with the fact that I was hearing them while nowhere near Christmas. For a while I was just standing in the canned food aisle trying to figure out if I had mysteriously skipped four weeks into the future. But no, it is still November. And the cashiers and store assistants were all walking around in Santa hats, looking like weird little supermarket elves. I had this sudden urge to find the store manager and have a long chat about timing, and possibly provide him with the number of a good psychiatrist.

I have long been baffled about the need to market Christmas goods when it is nowhere near Christmas, like in October. In fact, this has baffled me so that last year I had a similar post (Last year's post). I'd like to just find the person who started this madness and do the following:

But, seeing as it's the season to be jolly (supposedly) I guess I'll grin and bear it. I can't promise I won't kick the first Santa Clause that I see in November squarely in the fork though......

It's Party Time!

Well, not just yet. My lovely companion's got a big birthday coming up and we've been researching party ideas. Some are quite clever, others make you cringe. I thought back to all the themed parties that I ever attended, which turned out to be very few, for possible inspiration. We've done a Mad Hatter party, a Halloween dress-up, a Saints and Sinners party and a party where the theme was the letter S. All were quite fun, but while delving through the internet for further inspiration, I came across a few that had me questioning the sanity of the people who thought it up. Things like Pimps and Prostitutes. Now why on earth would any woman want to dress up like a lady of questionable virtue and parade around a room with people that she would have to face again afterwards? Then there is the even scarier 50 Shades of Grey party. I didn't even want to contemplate what could happen at a party like that! For those of you who are in the dark, a simple Google search should enlighten you, before freaking you out completely!

Other party ideas include Black and White (how original), James Bond, the 80's (where a group of people would use so much hairspray that the Ozone Layer would vanish overnight!), Monopoly (I call dibs on the silver boot!) and many more. My lovely companion also mentioned that she found a Barbarians and Librarians party theme. That boggled my mind! I would never have thought of combining the two! Can you imagine if such a conversation were ever to take place in reality:

Steve the Conqueror: "You! Puny book person!"

Librarian: "ARGH! I mean, yes Sir?"

Steve the Conqueror: "I'm looking for a book!"

Librarian: "You are? I mean, certainly Sir, which book are you looking for?"

Steve the Conqueror: "Embroidery for Dummies! And find it quickly, I've got villages to pillage!"

But I digress. It would seem that there are a multitude of themes to choose from, some fun, some weird, others just plain scary. Should we go for an old classic, the Masquerade (ballroom not included) or a more Mardi Gras themed one? Which could get out of hand, so scratch that!

Thankfully I have a bit of time, so the search continues. But when it happens, it will be unforgettable!

As the saying goes: "It's party time! P...A...R...T...Y? Because I gotta!"

The Young and the Clueless

When you think of IT technicians, you usually think of one of two types:

There is the smart ass "know it all" type above, or the type below:

The "I'm not really interested in helping you" type.

The truth is, there is a lot more to IT than meets the eye! A lot of people don't actually know how much work it takes to get everything running smoothly. The hours, the blood, the sweat and the tears. Many a time I've had to let my lovely companion know that I will not be joining her for dinner because there is a big, lightly smoking crater where a server used to be. But to get back to my opening statement, there are actually four types of IT people, and I thought I'd enlighten the general public as to their functions:

The System Administrator:
This guy's only concern in life is system uptime. He would fearlessly walk through broken glass and raging infernos, killing anyone who stands in his way, as long as he can keep his network up and his infrastructure purring. He probably has little or no sense of humour.

The Software Engineer:
Also known as a programmer, this guy lives in his own little world of ones and zeroes. Everything happens in code. Even a simple conversation about the weather can have you wondering if he's speaking english or some obscure Romulan dialect. He is usually amused by technical jokes that no-one else understands.

The IT Technician:
This is the guy who will fix your hardware and software issues. He is the most misunderstood of the bunch. His standoff-ish behavior isn't due to the fact that he doesn't like you, it's due to the fact that you have yelled at him because your PC isn't working, only for him to find that you never plugged it in. (That happens more than you realise!) This man usually thinks that "sense of humour" is something you can eat.....

The IT Manager:
The head of the IT department is usually completely oblivious to everything happening in the department. His only goal is to procure funds for new hardware and to look good at department meetings. Has a terrific sense of humour, too bad no-one usually finds him funny. People in the IT Department laugh at his jokes because he pays their salary.

So there you have it. I hope this handy little segment has shed some light on the mysterious folk in your local IT Department. Drop by and say hi, give them a smile, and possibly a muffin. Who knows when you will have to call on them again!