Too Hot to Handle

I thought I would follow up my previous post with another recent experience. A friend and I had to go down to Durban in South Africa for a business trip. Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with Durban, it can be summed up as a place where they regularly eat lava, just for fun. It is generally considered to be an Indian community, so if the food isn't so hot that your tongue melts upon tasting it, it is not considered food. For those of you who have read my previous post, you will have noticed that I am not a fan of fire eating, so this trip had me seriously nervous. Especially because my friend's family lives in Durban (well, close to it anyway). To them, a curry which doesn't immediately have your sinuses begging for mercy is just a stew. So imagine my trepidation upon being invited for lunch one day. Images of spontaneous combustion filled my head, along with a deep sense of dread! I could just see myself taking one bite and instantly turning into the Human Torch! (Just without the muscles and cool superpowers) We arrived at noon, and I was already sweating in anticipation. We made some small talk, during which time I swear I could hear some snickering coming from the direction of the kitchen. Finally we were called to the table, and a big bowl of chicken curry was placed on the table. My hand was shaking as I ladled some into my bowl. Was this going to be a delicious culinary experience, or was I in for a lesson in pain management? I took the first bite, and winced as it went into my mouth, just in case. I chewed slowly, savouring the spicy flavour, but also waiting for the inevitable explosion. But after a few seconds nothing happened. So I took another bite, and another after that. It was glorious! An authentic Indian curry that didn't leave me curled up on the ground in a fetal position desperately trying to think happy thoughts! My friend informed me later that he had arranged with his mother before hand to turn the heat down a bit, just to stop me from developing curry Tourettes. In fact, while this meal had a mild sting to it, and I had to have a few glasses of liquid refreshment in order to keep it manageable, to them it was actually almost bland! It is said that you can learn a lot about a culture by indulging in their food. Well, if the Indian culture is anything to go by, we can be glad that they are not developing weapons of mass destruction. Because the explosions would be epic!

Some Like It Hot!

I am not referring to Marilyn in a cleavage bearing dress. No, I am talking about spicy food. I am partial to a bit of a sting every once in a while, and I used to think that I could handle spicy food. Apparently I was sorely mistaken! Sitting at a local restaurant that specialises in various chicken dishes, I made the mistake of ordering hot chicken livers. My lovely companion ordered the mild variety, took a bite and then declared that they may have switched our dishes, because it was really hot! I tasted hers and realised that yes, it was quite hot. So just to check, I tasted mine, with the following results:

My taste buds shut down out of pure survival instinct, my eyes were watering so much that it probably looked like I just came through some devastating personal loss and was sobbing my heart out, my face was red and I was gasping for breath! This wasn't food, this was pain on a plate! I ordered water, milk, cold drink....anything just to try and douse the intense burning in my mouth. I would've even gone for week old dishwater if I thought that would help. Later, after the burning had (finally) subsided and I was able to speak coherently again, I noticed that they even advertised an Extra Hot option. I assume that if you order the extra hot, they bring you a disclaimer form first stating that you will not sue them for eating something that might just kill you. Then they would probably bring it to you while wearing a fireproof suit, taking care not to jostle the plate too much lest it explode and take out a city block. In my personal opinion, their menu should state the following:

• Mild
• Hot
• Cruel and Unusual

 Never again will I make that mistake! Even now the thought of eating that again makes me break out in a sweat and causes me to whimper involuntarily. I even have friends who do food so hot that it could melt steel quite regularly, who refuse to eat the extra hot option. Once they bring it to your table, I am convinced it would look something like this:

Now when people ask me if I eat spicy food I wet myself and run away screaming, just to be on the safe side. The old adage of "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is completely incorrect. I have found an even more furious hell at a local chicken place.....

The Time has Arrived!

Finally, after months of waiting, our little one has made her debut! With a full head of dark hair and the cutest face, she's already a heartbreaker! I opted to get a private room in the hospital with my lovely companion, so that I could be by her side and share the experience with her during her stay. I was just rather confused about how the hospital operates. Apparently sleeping is not allowed, or they practice some form of Chinese Sleep Deprivation Torture there. Almost hourly someone would bustle into our room to clean up, provide medication, take my lovely companion's blood pressure or offer us a refreshing beverage. While I realise that most of this is necessary, I don't quite grasp the concept of being woken up at 4 in the morning for tea. It is still dark, my lovely companion and I are sleeping, more importantly, the little one is FINALLY sleeping, and suddenly the lights are turned on, someone is tapping you on the shoulder and offering you tea. We tolerated a day or two of this before my lovely companion's patience ran out, and she told the tea lady what would happen if we were EVER woken up for tea at 4 in the morning again! The tea lady had this reaction....

....and we never saw her again. When we wanted tea or coffee I had to go and ask one of the nurses or go purchase it from the kiosk.

But apart from the funnies with the hospital staff we thoroughly enjoyed experiencing our little one for the first time. And the enjoyment still continues! There are times where some frustration sets in, especially if the little one has an ache or pain somewhere but can't tell you about it. It's amazing how, even though we've only known her for a short time, we'd already walk through broken glass for her. Now I must just get used to one thing..........The Dirty Nappy!